Watching MeWatching You
by pinklotus
Summary: AU-Ryan becomes involved with Richie,Annie's brother. Slash-please don't read if it offends! Chapter 11-"Remember Nothing" is up.  Ryan is shot and develops amnesia, causing him to forget Richie as well as Annie. He believes it's four years previous and he's in love with Kendall.
1. Chapter 1

Watching you, Watching me-Part 1

_Pairing: Richie/Ryan_

_Fandom: All My Children_

_Rating:M. This contains slash m/m so please don't read if this offends you! _

_Summary: Ryan finds himself drawn to Annie's brother Richie, whom he's been watching to see if he is going to cause trouble. This is AU in the sense that they've already discovered Richie was innocent of the crimes Annie thought he'd committed. They still worry he will try and get revenge on Annie for having him falsely imprisoned._

_Disclaimer: I don't own All My Children or the characters. The story is the only thing that's mine._

_Ryan woke up with a start. For a moment he was __disoriented, forgetting__ where he was or what he was doing._

_Then he __remembered that he was with Annie on the couch, just waking up from an unexpected and pleasant morning interlude __of relaxed, unhurried__ love making._

_He smiled as he looked at his wife sleeping in his arms. He thought about going back to sleep, but then that familiar uneasy feeling he had been getting lately returned. _

_He wasn't__ sure why he felt this way. They'd investigated Richie and discovered he was neither the murderer of that little boy at __camp, or__ the one who'd pushed his and Annie's father out the window._

_Yet he found he couldn't stop thinking about what Richie was doing. He just couldn't believe that Annie had been totally wrong about him. And even if she had been, Richie had practically told him __that when (__not if) he went after Ryan and Annie they'd never see him coming._

_Of course, that was before they'd found out he was __innocent. But__ still, he was angry at Annie for having him put away for seven years for a crime he didn't commit. Ryan had to admit to himself that he would be planning revenge if that was done to him._

_So he kept the camera he had set up in Richie's office__ and continued watching him._

_The problem was that it had become somewhat of an obsession with him._

_Like now, why should he be watching Richie instead of just __lying__ with his wife and enjoying the __moment?__ After all, he had everything on tape and could look at it at any time. He doubted Richie was doing any plotting out loud right __now, anyway._

_Yet here he __was, pressing__ the remote and staring at the man who was becoming too much of a part of his life and his thoughts._

_He saw Richie looking at some photos on his desk. Photos of Annie and Emma, photos of Annie with Richie. There was even a photo of Ryan and Annie, which Ryan found to be very disconcerting. Which was probably why Richie put it there in the first place._

_In spite of himself he had to admire Richie's play. __Every time__ he thought he had Richie caught he found he was one step ahead._

_Right now Richie was staring at the picture of Annie with __Ryan. __He let his fingers run lightly over the picture and sighed softly. It puzzled Ryan to see that. It was almost a longing look, and a tender gesture. _

_Maybe Richie wasn't going to try and get revenge after all?_

_He watched as Richie put the picture back and stood up a__nd walked around the desk. Walking toward the coat rack he removed his jacket and started taking off his shirt and his undershirt. Changing for the __night, Ryan__ supposed. Richie had his back to the __camera and__ what he saw shocked him._

_Richie had scars on his back that went all the way __down. __Like someone cut him, more than once. And beat him with a belt. Or a whip._

_Ryan zoomed in with the camera to look at it more closely. Yes, those were definitely scars from multiple times of being tortured. "My God" Ryan thought. That had to be from his time in prison. _

_For the first time since he'd met him, Ryan felt sorry for Richie._

_And he could see where his anger toward Annie was coming from. Ryan would never say that to __Annie__ and he felt disloyal for even thinking it. Yet he had to __admit that__ he would be __furious, too_

_Next, Richie took his pants off, and again Ryan saw what looked like marks of some kind on the backs of his thighs. He didn't even want to think about what was done to Richie when those marks were made. But he did. He had this sudden image of Richie __laying on a cot, arms and feet tied. Being cut with someone's knife as-what? Part of some insane mating ritual? Some __BDSM prison__ style, torture for fun and power?_

_Ryan shook his head to rid himself of the image and found it was replaced with something similar. Richie laying on the bed tied up __willingly, someone's__ hands roughly running over his __body, stroking__ him and making him hard. A look of pain replaced by one of pleasure. Richie opening up his legs and letting the person lay between __them. Responding__ and reacting to the touch of this man. Ryan sat up abruptly and went to get himself some of the champagne he and Annie were drinking earlier. He felt flushed and hot, and to his __astonishment__,aroused__. "What the fuck is going on with me"? He thought aloud this time, but didn't have any answers. He wanted to go back and turn off the camera. He couldn't do __it, though__. He was being drawn in and he couldn't seem to stop. He sat back down. Richie was walking to his gym bag and taking out some pants. When __h__e sat down to put them on__ Ryan found __himself__ staring at __him._

_"Shit"! Ryan exclaimed as he once again found __himself aroused__. He had no idea why this was happening__, and__ it scared the hell out of him. _

_Maybe this exercise in spying on Richie __was just__ an excuse to –_

_Look at him? _

_That didn't make sense. He'd never been attracted to men, __why would__ he be attracted __to Richie?_

_Maybe it was just the complexity of the man that was pulling him in. "Sucking in is more likely" an irritating voice said. It was his own __voice, but__ it was still irritating._

_He watched Richie run his hands over his thighs again and again. He was mulling something __over, apparently__. He did that a __lot, Ryan__ noticed. Rub his hands up and down his arm or his thighs when he was thinking of something._

_"And I don't know why I noticed that" He thought._

_Richie __dressed __,grabbed __his jacket and walked __out. Ryan__ turned off the remote, and a second later heard Annie say in a teasing __tone "Is__ that for me"?_

_Ryan looked at himself and was embarrassed to find that he was still hard. He smiled __at Annie__ and touched her hair._

_"No, it's not for you"__ He thought, and felt his breath knocked out of his body as the realization fully hit him._

_Silently he added:_

_"It's for your brot__her" _

_TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

_Watching__ You__, Watching__ Me__. Chapter 2__-Playing games_

_Summary: Ryan is trying to deny any feelings he has for Richie,and the two of them engage in verbal game playing. Ryan discovers that Richie has been doing research for Spike's surgery and questions his motives. _

_A __week went__ by and Ryan had just about convince__d__ himself that the realization he had abou__t Richie was__ not what he__'d __imagined it to be._

_He knew that he was lying to __himself, but__ he really couldn't come up with any rational explanation for what he was doing. _

_He thought it best to try and avoid Richie, but it wasn't feasible.__ He did work for Ruan__, after__ all._

_And every time Richie saw Ryan he'd smile at him like he knew his secret and it was a source of amusement to him._

_He'd give him what Ryan had taken to calling the "shark smile", and make some barbed remark or veiled comment and the two of them would go at it again._

_It infuriated Ryan that he fell for Richie's bait every single time he threw it out. He reeled Ryan in so __easily. __And when Richie didn't start something Ryan would. He'd find himself looking for a way to annoy him, to touch a nerve, make him do something stupid._

_But Richie never __responded, which__ infuriated Ryan even further. He felt like Richie was mocking him. So he'd usually grab Richie and shove him up against the wall or the door and get right in his face. One time when he did __that they__ were so close Ryan could feel Richie's breath on his face. If Richie had moved in __a little__ closer he could have kissed him._

_This particular day Ryan came in to Richie's office.__Unannounced__ as usual. _

_"Let me see what you're working on" He demanded._

_Richie leaned back in his chair and __smiled at Ryan. Casually putting one leg up on the desk he __gave Ryan__ the full view of his thighs and his crotch. He smiled again when he saw Ryan's eyes go there immediately._

_"Something here you've never seen before"? He asked Ryan in a teasing,__almost flirtatious voice._

_"Don't be ridiculous__"He__ said in what he hoped was a voice filled with__ disgust_

_Richie just stayed there for a long moment, then he smiled and said "What would __you like__ to see, boss?"_

_"I'd like to see the papers in your hand" He said._

_"It's just a little research I'm working on __"He__ replied and smiled at him again in __that __mysterious fashion._

_"Richie, stop the bull and just give it to me"! Without waiting for an answer Ryan tried to grab the folder from Richie's hands. Richie wouldn't relinquish it __readily, though__ and there was a moment where Ryan's hands were locked on top of Richie's. Ryan felt the rush of adrenaline that his encounters with Richie always brought. And a feeling of intense heat that went straight through his body. __Richie had__ that knowing look in his eyes __again__ and that teasing __smiles__ on his lips._

_"If you wanted to hold my hand__s__ bro, all you had to do was ask. __I'm not __sure that__ Annie would be too __thrilled, though__". _

_Ryan glared at him and said" You're an asshole, you know that"?_

_"Maybe, but that doesn't make me wrong. I don't notice you moving your hands away."_

_Frustrated and annoyed, Ryan pulled his hands away from Richie at the same time Richie gave him the document. Ryan started reading it and his expression__ immediately__ went from annoyed embarrassment to fury._

_"What the FUCK are you doing with articles about cochlear __implants? __Stay the hell away from my son. He has nothing to do with you!" _

_"__Relax bro__. I __'m not__ trying to hurt your little boy. I'm trying to help."_

_"Who said we need your help"? Ryan yelled this at him._

_"Well, Spike is having trouble getting the cochlear implants. I looked up doctors who specialize in children__who have difficulty __like __that, and read their studies and theories. I can tell you what has the greatest statistical probability of working."_

_"When did you get your degree from MIT?"__ Ryan asked condescend__ingly._

_"I've always been good with numbers" He said. "But since I was imprisoned by my dear, sweet and honest sister I have become an expert."_

_"Great" Ryan retorted wryly. "When you go back to prison for another seven years you can come out with the knowledge of how to disarm nuclear weapons"._

_"You know, you can be sarcastic, you can be condescending(look it up Ryan) and you can be the general wanna be know it all ass that everyone thinks you are,…or, you can just listen to someone else for a change. What do you say? It's not like it'd hurt to look the material over. Ask some doctors that you trust.__ That is i__f you do trust anyone."_

_"Just because I don't trust you doesn't mean I don't trust anyone else"_

_Richie laughed._

_"What is so funny about that? "_

_"Nothing" Richie replied. "Just __that I've heard__ things about __you and__ your sad childhood. The little boy who saw his mother get beaten by his drunken rageaholic father. The boy who himself was the victim of his father's rage. And who left his little brother and sister behind to deal with it all. That didn't turn out too __well, did__ it?"_

_Ryan shoved him against the door so hard that his head banged against it. "You son of a bitch! You think that was funny?"He moved in closer to Richie and grabbed him by the collar. To his surprise Richie didn't move. He just slowly brought his hands up to Ryan's and smiled at him again. "Calm down there". He said. "I just meant that it isn't a surprise that you wouldn't trust after all that. And __that you__ might be just a bit paranoid."_

_Ryan left Richie's hands on his for a moment, then he angrily pushed them away. "I have no problem with trust__." Even as he said this he knew it __was a__ lie. And what was worse, it seemed Richie knew __it, too__. He had this disconcerting notion that Richie could see right through him sometimes._

_"Whatever, man. Like I said, check it out. Or not. It's up to you. After all, he is your __child, not__ mine"._

_"And that kills __you,__ doesn't it?" Ryan asked._

_"What, that I don't have your child? " He laughed again. _

_"No, that you don't have your __own children__"._

_"I have plenty of time. I'm gonna have a family some day." Richie smiled at the __thought and__ Ryan had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Richie's whole expression changed from its' sneering demeanor of a moment ago __to one__ that was soft, almost gentle._

_"Until then the closest thing I have to my own kids are Emma and Spike"._

_"Spike is NOT your nephew". Ryan yelled._

_"Why not? You are my brother in law, Annie thinks of Spike as a son, why shouldn't I think of him as my nephew?"_

_"I don't want you to think of him at all" Said Ryan, with his arms against the door on either side of Richie's face._

_To his astonishment, Richie looked sad. Almost defeated. Ryan felt bad for a moment until he remembered who he was dealing with. _

_"Fine" Richie said, reaching up to grab Ryan's wrists and move them away. Ryan moved in closer until once again he could feel Richie's breath on his face. _

_"Why would you try and help my son"?_

_He put his hands on Ryan's chest and let them stay there. Then he put his mouth close to Ryan's ear and said softly" You figure it out". _

_He pushed Ryan away, turned and walked out the door, leaving a very confused Ryan staring after him._

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

_Watching Me/Watching You Chapter3- Heavy Surveillance/__Heavy Breathing-_

_Ryan remained where he was standing when Richie __walked out. __He was very confused, and felt a little bit dizzy. He was hot where Richie's hands had touched him. And his face was flushed by b__oth the heat of Richie's breath__ and the impact of his words._

_"You figure it out" He had said when Ryan had asked why he should try and help his son. What the hell was he trying to say? That he wanted to help Spike __**because of Ryan**__? That didn't make any sense. He hated Ryan, didn't he? He seemed to –always __insulting him, making comments designed to be taken as threats…Well, at least that was what Ryan had always assumed they were. But what if they __weren't? __What if he was just reacting to the way he was being perceived by everyone without really meaning any of it? The thought made Ryan's head spin. He remembered Annie saying that Richie had that way about him. That ability to make you believe him and start doubting yourself. But still, he wondered. Richie had looked genuinely concerned about Spike, and it wouldn't hurt to check out his info, would it? "Maybe this is a way of softening us up" He thought."So we won't be prepared for the big blow when it comes"._

_Maybe that was it._

_Still, he couldn't shake the look on Richie's face when he said" you figure it out", or the look in his eyes when Ryan accused him of wanting to hurt Spike. Sighing softly, he went in search of Joe__ Martin_

_"__ Joe" Ryan spotted him walking toward his office. Joe turned and looked at Ryan with a concerned look on his face. "What's wrong, Ryan"? He asked. "Is__ it__ something with Spike"?_

_"No, no. Sorry to worry you. It's just, I've come across some research and I want you to tell me what you think of __it, please__?"_

_Joe __took the folder from him, and started to look through it. "Come into the office,__Ryan"_

_Ryan followed Joe,__silently praying this information wasn't just some other dead end, or worse, a set up._

_Gesturing for Ryan__ to __sit down__ he went behind his desk and studied the report more thoroughly__"This is impressive" He said finally. "Whoever did __this for__ you is an excellent researcher. And their knowledge of mathematics and statistics is remarkable"._

_"Really". Ryan said in a stunned voice. It was real then, not a con job or a set up. Real research done by __someone he__ didn't __trust and was frantically trying to find evidence to send back to jail._

_"It must have taken some time, also. And I think we can use this to see what'll work best for Spike. Let me study it, and I'll tell you my thoughts tomorrow, ok?"_

_"Yes, yes of course. Joe, do you think this could really work, really help my son"?_

_"Yes, I do."_

_Ryan stood up and thanked Joe profusely. Joe smiled a__n__d said he should thank the person who did this research for him._

_Ryan walked out feeling euphoric, and even more confused._

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_" I don't get it, Ryan" Annie said,__shaking her head. "Why would Richie care about helping Spike? He's never interested in helping other people. __I can__ believe he cares for Emma to a certain extent. But Spike isn't his flesh and blood, I don't understand"._

_"It confuses the hell out of __me, too__" Ryan said. In his gut, however, he had a feeling that Richie wanted to help Spike, and Richie had given him a hint as to why._

_But-_

_"You can't trust __Richie, Ryan__"! Annie said in a voice that was practically screeching._

_"I know. I just don't know what he gains by doing this. And Joe said it is legitimate."_

_Just then Emma called from the other room,__wanting one of mommys'__ stories._

_Annie told her she'd be right there and went to her room._

_Ryan clean__ed__ up the dinner dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Then he went to make a pot of coffee. While he waited for it to brew he mulled over what he'd learned._

_Taking a cup he called to __Annie"I'll__ be in my office for awhile".__ N__o one answered. Ryan smiled, thinking of Annie lying down with Emma. Trying to read to her but falling asleep as she did so._

_As soon as he got into the office he put the surveillance camera __on.__This__ one was in __Richie's apartment__ He saw Richie doing almost exactly what he had been doing. Putting dishes in the dishwasher, making a pot of coffee, standing there with a sad look on his face while he waited for it to brew._

_He picked up the cup and once again began looking at the pictures on his mantelpiece._

_Every time Ryan watched him he did this. __. There was even one that was of Spike . He__ watched __as Richie __went to the bedroom and flipped on his CD player._

_Ironically, the song that came on was "Every Breath You Take__". _

_"Every breath you take, every move you make…I'll be watching you"_

_Richie smiled at the song as though he understood the irony of it. Which he didn't, of course. At least as far as Ryan was concerned he didn't know he was being watched._

_He felt uncomfortable watching Richie in his bedroom. It was unlikely he was going to be planning anything nefarious while lying down listening to "The Police". And his laptop was in the other room, as was his cell. The only thing in Richie's bedroom was Richie._

_So there was no reason to be watching him. No matter that he was telling himself that Richie could conceivably have something in there that he didn't know about. Something he'd acquired since the last time Ryan had watched him._

_But he didn't turn off the monitor. He didn't do anything but stare at the screen._

_Richie start__ed undressing just as this line in the song started playing" Oh can't you see, you belong to me..."_

_He had this __languorous way__ of undressing. It was very slow and sensual. He never saw Richie just come in and tear off his clothes and change into something else. It was __like he__ was savoring touching the fabric of his clothes as __well as__ his own skin. Ryan thought it must have been __because of all those years of not wearing his own __clothes and__ having __to be__ very careful about exposing any part of his body. Richie had hinted about some of the things he had to do to survive in __prison__ and the people he had to "befriend" in order to do so. After seeing those marks on Richie he could only imagine what some of those things were. He watched now as he stripped off his shirt and his undershirt, running his hands up and down his arms. "What is he thinking __about, now__"__? Ryan__ wondered. He blushed, realizing __how much__ he had learned about this man-without his knowledge or permission. He started to pace a little and run his fingers through his hair. He seemed worried. Removing his __pants, shoes__ and socks he lay down on the bed in his boxer briefs. He seemed to be doing some meditating, or deep breathing. He started to run his hands up and down his __chest, pausing__ to rub his __nipples. __He started __rubbing circles__ down his stomach. _

_Then he began rubbing his cock with his hand, stroking himself through the fabric.__. Even as he was telling himself that he __should look__ away he stared transfixed as Richie continued to touch himself, watching intently as he eased the boxer briefs __off, sliding__ them down to his feet and kicking them off. _

_Ryan couldn't take his eyes off of him. And he couldn't say why. He had never been captivated __by a__ man's body before Richie's. He drew in his breath as his eyes roamed over his ass and down his very muscular legs._

_But what really drew him in was Richie stroking himself. His arousal was very apparent, and he could see Richie's face relax and his breathing deepen as he moved his hand up and down his __shaft, playing__ with the tip as he did so. The look on his face __was something Ryan had never seen on Richie's face before. It was __excitement, yes__, but also something deeper. Richie was focused, not just on having an orgasm, but on whoever was on his mind while he was touching himself._

_In spite of trying desperately not to, Ryan found himself getting very aroused along with Richie. Before long he was taking off his pants and shorts and was stroking his own erection. He found that his breathing started matching Richie's, as did his strokes. He kept his eyes on Richie's face. The way it was thrown back, the way his eyes were heavily lidded and his __face __flushed,__ all these were exciting to Ryan._

_He watched and ran his hands over his body at the same time Richie was running his hands over his own body._

_They were so in sync it seemed that they were touching each other._

_Richie's breathing became more rapid and __shallow__ and he started moaning. It began __as a__ soft moan, and then gradually became louder. Ryan tried to stifle his own moans and found it difficult. He knew that Richie was near orgasm, and he himself was not far behind._

_Just like the __song,__ he could feel it coming with every breath Richie took, and every move he made._

_With a long moan, Richie __came. __His body was trembling and shaking from the force __of his orgasm. _

_It was so damn erotic that Ryan could feel himself about to come._

_But what actually sent him over the edge was not the way Richie looked, or the moans that came from him. It wasn't even how sexy he looked when he came. _

_It was what he thought he heard from Richie's lips. _

_One word:"Ryan"…_

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

Drawing Blood and Desire

_Ryan couldn't get what he__ thought he__ heard Richie say out of his mind. He thought he must have heard wrong, but no matter how many times he played back the __tape he__ still couldn't be sure. Was__ Richie__ really__ calling for him?_

_It excited him even as it scared the hell out of him to think that Richie could want him, that he was the person who was on Richie's mind__ then__. When he had that look of abandon and ecstasy on his face, in his eyes._

_Nobody had __looked like that at him when he was making love to them, no matter how much they had loved him._

_And that frightened Ryan even more. _

_He was responding to that from somewhere deep inside himself, and he didn't know what to do about it._

_Being Ryan, he did what he always did when he was frightened or confused. He lashed out. He started yelling at Annie for no reason and __then would__ have __to apologize to her._

_He __was constantly distracted and found he was absentmindedly stroking things while __remembering that scene with Richie._

_He avoided Richie completely._

_Then Annie came to his office one day with shocking news._

_"Richie is dying" She said without preamble._

_"What, what are you talking __about? __Dying?? Where did you hear that? Did he tell you that because you know he's playing you if he told you that!" Ryan realized as he was saying this how much he hoped it was true. For the first time he found that he was hoping Richie was playing a game__H__e couldn't bear to think of any other scenario._

_"He didn't tell me. Babe told me" _

_"Babe? What does she have to do with Richie"? His voice sounded annoyed and aggravated to his own ears. He couldn't help it, though. The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them._

_Annie looked surprised but said nothing about his tone. "He dated Babe, you know that."_

_"Oh that. That was a couple of dates before she knew that he was lying about who he was. She surely couldn't want him now" Ryan hoped that was the case._

_"Apparently she isn't dating him, but she was talking to him in the park and__ when she __left he__ took a pill and dumped the bottle in the trash. Babe asked Josh what they were used for, and he told her it was a clinical trial drug used in the last stages of leukemia."_

_"That's not possible. Look at him, he's perfectly healthy. He doesn't even have a cold! He probably just wanted sympathy from Babe, filled the bottle with candy and made sure she saw him throw it away." Ryan said_

_"He didn't know she was there, Ryan. He wasn't expecting her to__ still__ be in the park"_

_"That's what she thinks. Come on, Annie. This guy is a master con artist. He's definitely not above faking an illness to get what he wants"._

_"That doesn't make sense Ryan, even for Richie"._

_"Well, we have to find out for certain". Ryan was sure this had to be a game; he fervently hoped so. He didn't like the idea of Richie going to those extremes for Babe,__though. Why? Because that would mean he wanted her so much he'd do just about anything._

_"How, Ryan?"_

_"Leave it to me". He said in a menacing tone. He was going to find out what Richie was up to before anyone got hurt. "A__nd because you're worried about__ him, and jealous__.God, Ryan, how pathetic is that"? The return__ of the irritating voice in his__ head mocked __him._

_By the time __he stormed into Richie's office he __was furious._

_"What the fuck are you doing"?_

_Ri__chie looked at him in his usual__ amused and slightly taunting way._

_"Well, hello to you __too, boss__. I haven't seen you in days and now you come in here and are ranting about-what exactly?"_

_"Don't play stupid with me, Richie. You deliberately set it up so that Babe could see you with those pills. Why would you do that? Try to get her to sympathize with you so __she'd what, fuck you? What is __it;__ you can't get a woman to have sex with you unless she pities you"?_

_Richie's face paled for a moment before the mask came back down. Ryan could see the fury in his eyes. And something else. Hurt. "I hurt him" He thought, and he immediately wondered why. _

_There was a long pause and then Richie __said"__Wow, thanks bro. You know, you should never consider a career as a diploma__t. You really go for the __jugular, don't__ you? If I am not sick than I'm a pathetic loser who can't get someone to make love to me unless it's because they pity me. I didn't realize I was so repulsive to you. Thanks for clearing that up"._

_Ryan found his head spinning again. What the hell was he doing? How could he say something like that to Richie? __Whether he was l__ying __about being sick __or not, that __**was **__cruel. The impact of Richie's words hit him in the context of what he thought he heard on the tape. If Richie had been calling__ his name, if Richie wanted him__, than what he'd just done__ was even crueler__."Stupid,__ stupid, stupid." He thought to himself. He didn't like seeing Richie that way, and he didn't want to care about the way Richie looked. Or about the way he felt._

_"I'm sorry for the way that sounded." Ryan said softly. "I didn't mean it. I'm just frustrated."_

_"And scared"? Richie said in an equally soft voice._

_"Yes-no, I'm-forget it. "_

_"You're getting flustered __Ryan. What is it you're not saying to me? You'd miss me if I go"?_

_"Can you be serious and answer the question? Annie is worried"._

_Richie laughed bitterly at that. "She__ is__, huh? She probably is worried it's not true. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint her, but I am not dying."_

_"Then what happened with the pills"? __Asked__ Ryan._

_"It's like you said, Ryan. I wanted __Babe __to pity me. Hell, after seven years I'll take a pity fuck if that's all I'm offered. Not to say I haven't had sex in seven years, but well you can imagine what I'm trying to say". And suddenly the mask was back on._

_Richie got up to walk out. "I have a couple of errands to __run, boss__. I will be back later on." He brushed past Ryan, and once again he felt the electrical currents passing between them. __He found himself grabbing Richie's arms and turning him toward him._

_"Don't leave yet. Please, can we just talk about this? I didn't mean to sound the way I did."_

_Richie stared down at Ryan's hands grasping his arms and brought his own hands up to meet them. _

_"I'll be back soon" He said, and then quickly left the room._

_Ryan went back to his office and found Annie pacing and crying a little. She was holding an envelope. _

_"What is that"? He asked. _

_"Pictures. Richie sent them to me. They're from Halloween. I went as a cowgirl and he was Jesse James. He talked me into being a cowgirl instead of a princess, and I ended up winning a prize! That__ was a good memory. Sometimes I forget __those times, Ryan__."_

_"Annie. You can't let him get to you. Look, I have an idea __how __I can find out for sure if Richie is sick or just playing a game. Why don't yo__u go home and I'll take care of__ this.__By the end of the day we'll know what's really going on with Richie"._

_"Ryan"…_

_"Please __Annie;__ just trust me on this,__ok"?_

_"Ok" Annie took the pictures and walked out of the office._

_Ryan was waiting when Richie came __back._

_"Ryan__, what__ now? What do you want to torture me about?"_

_"Why did you send Annie those pi__ctures? From Halloween all those__ years ago"?_

_"It's like I told her in my note. I __wanted her to remember that we had some good times."_

_"You're trying to get her to feel sorry for you"!_

_"Ryan__,man, you've gotta get a new accusation to throw at me! This one is overused already."_

_"I don't think it's funny that your sister was crying, Richie"._

_"My sister? Don't you mean your wife? Is that how you refer to her when you speak about her? Richie's sister? "_

_"Shut up Richie"._

_"Why? What am I saying that's not true? And why aren't you with her now if she's so upset? Why are you here instead of holding her in your strong, powerful arms"? He said this with a sneer, but Ryan felt there were undercurrents of passion, or desire in his voice._

_He didn't want to think about it so he brought his mind back to what his purpose was in being in Richie's office._

_"I want you to let me prove whether or not you're sick . Let me have your blood tested."_

_"What are __you fucking__ kidding me? There's no way in hell I'm going with you to have my blood tested so forget it. I __didn't tell__ Annie I was sick. If I was looking for sympathy I would have told her directly, not wait and __hope someone else would notice!__"__ Richie turned to leave and Ryan took the opportunity to come behind him and shove him against the door."I'm not asking you, Richie" He said this directly into Richie's __ear, practically__ touching his earlobe with his __lips "I'm__ telling you this is how it's going to be" And as he said this he took out a pair of handcuffs and swiftly secured Richie's hands. He pulled the still struggling Richie away from the door and threw him so he ended up face down on the couch._

_It was a very sexual position, and Ryan had to tell himself to focus on what he was supposed to be doing. But he couldn't stop the intake of his breath when he looked at him lying there. Just like he was in his fantasies. _

_He hurried to the couch and turned him over. He looked just as appealing lying that way, Ryan __thought._

_Richie had stopped being scared and was now just angry. "Why don't you just take out the leather __mask, Ryan__"?_

_"Stop that, it's disgusting". Ryan blushed though, realizing that some of the fantasies he had of Richie did have __a__ somewhat__ violent / sexual__ theme to them._

_As if reading his mind, Richie smiled at him. That made Ryan furious again and he tackled him, and they were struggling on the couch. Richie not being able to use his hands meant he had to use his legs. He drew them up and wrapped them around Ryan, trying to use them to push Ryan off him. Instead it just made __Ryan __collapse on top of Richie._

_He ended up with his face pressed against the side of his neck, and his lips on his shoulder blade. He tried shifting and found his mouth was now planted firmly on Richie's neck. _

_He heard something come out of Richie that sounded like a __groan, and__ he also shifted his body. Ryan held him __down, and__ Richie continued to try and push him off. He didn't know which one of them started moving so that they were in a rhythm that was almost like a dance. But Ryan knew he liked the way it felt. And judging from Richie's reaction __he could__ feel it as well. _

_This time the noise was Ryan moaning softly, which he quickly tried to hide by grunting while continuing to try and subdue Richie._

_R__ichie looked up at Ryan's face, which __was about__ an inch from his and __said "If__ you wanted to kiss me Ryan, all you had to do was ask"._

_"Shut up, Richie, just shut up". He knew his face was once again red, and __that it__ was becoming difficult to hide the fact that he was aroused from Richie. _

_Richie wrapped his legs around Ryan again and __said "Go__ ahead, shut me up "._

_Ryan could feel something break inside __him__ and he crushed Richie's lips with his __own,__ all the while __saying "Shut__ up, shut up, shut __up". Meanwhile__, his mouth was bruising Richie's, and his tongue was desperately trying to get inside that beautiful yet incredibly annoying mouth. _

_Richie__ let him in. _

_Ryan felt the passion he had been holding back erupting out of __him, along with__ his anger and frustration. He kept a hold on the back of Richie's head and kept pushing him down, trying to cover his lips, his jawbone, his neck with traces of himself. He felt Richie's tongue playing with his, teasing him. __The two of them taking turns being dominant and yielding__ Th__e__y__ kept the pace that way until they broke for air and Richie moaned again."Ryan"-_

_It sounded exactly like what he'd thought __he'd__ heard on the tape, and it was said with the same pleading, yearning tone. _

_Ryan moaned something incoherent in response, until he started saying Richie's name in between kisses as well._

_Ryan wanted to rip Richie's clothes off, desperate to feel the touch of his bare skin against his own. He start__ed to __pull the__ shirt off and ru__b his hand up and down Richie's chest._

_He was just starting to kiss his chest and let his tongue slide up and down his nipples when there was a knock on the door._

_"Oh, shit" said Ryan, adding."That would be the doctor"._

_"__Send him away."_

_"I can't do that, Richie"._

_Richie looked at him with a mixture of surprise and disappointment._

_"You still want my blood-fine, take it. Now, please get off of me. And by the way, could you release the handcuffs"? Richie added._

_"I can't do that, either. Not unless you'll tell me that you won't run"._

_"Ryan, how __could __you do what you just did and tell me that you have __to take__ blood from me against my will"?_

_"I promised Annie.__"__ He said softly__ His lowered his eyes as he realized how that must sound in light of what had just happened._

_But there was also another, more important reason for him to still want to know __if Richie__ was sick. He looked at Richie and then __said :_

_."And, I –__ want to know if you're alright__"__. Tripping over the words._

_Richie looked at him for a long moment and said"__ Uncuff__ me, I'm not going anywhere"._

_TBC_


	5. Chapter 5

Tell Me the Truth

_Richie looked at Ryan as he uncuffed him, watching the way he touched him as he did so. __It was u__nlike when __he cuffed him earlier __-__he __lingered,__ ho__l__ding Richie's hand while he released him._

_"Let the doctor in" Ric__hie said gruffly. Resisting the__ urge to take Ryan's __hands, he__ touched them lightly and__ settled back on the couch to wait for the doctor._

_The doctor nodded to Richie as they were introduced."This will only take a few seconds__ Mr.__ Lavery, could you help me? Hold Mr. Novak's arm for me?"_

_Ryan nodded and motioned the doctor away. He ran his hand up and down __Richie's __arm__letting his hand rest on it. The doctor seemed puzzled by the way Richie responded to Ryan's touch. He closed his eyes and exhaled. _

_"It's going to be ok, Richie". Ryan said to him, keeping his voice soft._

_Richie calmed down and allowed the doctor to take the blood. Ryan applied a bandage to the injection site __and thanked__ the doctor._

_The doctor had been expecting a highly volatile and agitated person, so he was surprised at how well Richie reacted to the blood test. Ryan showed him out and sat down beside Richie._

_"Thank you for agreeing to do that". He said quietly._

_"Did I really have a choice"? Richie asked._

_"I think you know the answer to that. I couldn't tell Annie that you hadn't taken the test. What reason could I have given her when I was the one who came up with the idea? But I-wouldn't have kept the handcuffs on you if you had said you couldn't do it."_

_Richie laughed a little at that, but when he saw that the look on Ryan's face was sincere he stopped. "I believe you" He said."When will we have the results"? _

_Ryan said: "We should have them by the end __of the__ day"._

_Richie closed his eyes again and leaned back on the couch._

_"Richie, do you know what the test is going to say? Hey, look at me-tell me the truth"._

_Richie looked at Ryan and said "The truth is that I do have leukemia."_

_In spite __of having__ the feeling this was what Richie was going to say Ryan flinched. He felt like someone had punched him in the gut._

_"My God, Richie I am so sorry."_

_Richie did laugh this __time__ and it was a bitter and sad laugh. "Yeah, ain't life a bitch, as they say? I am sent away for seven years to a maximum security prison for a crime I didn't commit because my sister thought I'd committed another crime. Which I also didn't do. And while I'm in there I get leukemia. And not just a run of the mill type. No, it has to be a rare and terminal kind"._

_Ryan gasped when he heard the word" terminal"._

_He repeated it to Richie: "Terminal"?_

_Richie nodded. " Yeah, a double whammy. Rare __**and **__terminal. But I did get put on a clinical trial drug which seems to be working. At least it was working. I don't know what this blood test will show."_

_Ryan put his head in his hands at the thought of what Annie had done to Richie. And he groaned inwardly at the thought of what the two of them had put him through. "Shit, Richie, why don't you hate me? Or do you hate me?"_

_Richie tried to smile and said" I'm a sucker for a pretty face. No, seriously Ryan, I don't hate you. I never have. I just couldn't let you put me back in prison. Or torture me__" He added softly. __"I__ 'm not saying I wasn't furious. Hell, I won't even say that I am still not furious in a way. But ultimately you were doing what you thought was right. __You believed__ Annie, and you were trying to protect your family. I can understand that. "_

_"But I ha__ve tortured you. I kidnapped you, had you fired from your job, had you blackballed from any company__ you might want to work in__, had you thrown out of your hotel. I would want to kill me if I were you"._

_"Well, you're not me. I won't back down from a fight. I can say I even sometimes enjoy the games. I got used to them in prison. I got used to outplaying and outmaneuvering everyone. It was necessary for survival, and it became a way to avoid boredom. Now sometimes I find myself needing that adrenaline. Well, you must understand. You said you used to be a con man. It's addicting. _

_But I never wanted vengeance. And I never wanted you or Annie dead"._

_Ryan __knew __he was telling the truth. He could feel the things Richie had said resonate within himself. He knew all about being addicted to the con. Addicted to the adrenaline. He knew all about having to rely on your wits to survive._

_On an impulse he reached over and kissed him. Richie didn't pull away. He moved closer and clung to him for a moment. Then he got up and said __"I__ think I should go. You can tell them to call me with the results. Or you. It doesn't really matter" He sounded so defeated that Ryan again __felt like__ he'd been punched in the gut._

_He reached out to stop __him. __"Please don't leave. Or at least let me drive you home"._

_Richie said" You'd better go to Annie" and walked out._

_All the way home Ryan couldn't get what had happened with Richie out of his mind. It all had seemed almost unreal. Fighting with him one moment, kissing him the next. Having all of these feelings of unexpected desire. Then to find out that he really was ill. Worrying about him dying. Feeling another unexpected emotion-pain. And remorse. He sighed, not knowing how he was going to face Annie. He also didn't know how he was going to explain to her what was happening with Richie. He wondered about Annie. Sometimes she seemed so cold toward Richie. Ryan could understand it when she thought that he had __committed heinous__ crimes and had gotten away with it. But he didn't understand it since they'd found Richie to be innocent. Ryan was worried about what would happen if Richie decided to get revenge. And there were things Richie'd done that had angered him. Though if he were honest with himself he had to admit part of his __anger __had been because Richie kept outsmarting him. And also because he was fighting his attraction to him. _

_But what was Annie's reasoning? _

_It was very confusing._

_Annie's reaction to the news astounded Ryan. _

_"That's what he had planned along! That bastard didn't come back to kill me, he came back so I could watch him die and feel guilty"!_

_He had __to pause__ for a moment and decide if he had heard correctly. When he determined that he had he said" Annie, what the fuck are you saying? Are you hearing yourself? You find out that your brother does have leukemia and it's terminal and your reaction is to get angry because you think he wants you to watch him die? What happened to the woman who was crying earlier today over some pictures?"_

_"Ryan, you don't know what he's like. I do, I had to grow up with him constantly manipulating my family and me. And I know he hates me. I know he wants revenge"! Annie was screeching again, which was painful for Ryan to listen to._

_"Annie, shut up and stop playing the victim! You were the one who ruined Richie's life, not the other way around. He has a right to be angry with you! He even has the right to want you to feel guilty because he's dying and you took away __seven healthy years of his life! You know some of what happened to him in prison, but neither one of us knows the whole story. I do know he was beaten constantly, though. He has the scars to prove it"._

_Annie had been standing there open mouthed at __Ryan's response__ to her, but when he mentioned the scars she __said "How__ would you know that"?_

_Ryan hoped he wasn't as red in the face as he thought he was and said "You know we have cameras on him. I saw the scars one __day when__ he was changing in his office."_

_She covered her face with her hands and cried. "How can you talk to me like that"? _

_"Annie__ is __that all__ you are concerned about? What I'm saying about Richie is not penetrating? What the hell is wrong with you"?_

_"I warned you, Ryan. I told you this is what Richie does. He tries to split people. He's doing it with us now"._

_"Annie, Richie isn't responsible for the way you reacted. You are"._

_Annie looked at him in disbelief and took out her cell phone. She called Richie and asked him to meet her at the boathouse. _

_She took her sweater and left without another word._

_Richie was waiting for her when she got to the boathouse. "What is it now, Annie"? He asked irritably. He was tired and the last thing he wanted was another argument with Annie. "You__r__ h__usband took __my __blood and__ he told you I'm sure that I finally admitted I do ha__ve leukemia. Those were my pills.__ I am on a__n experimental drug, and though __I've been doing better__ the__ condition is still most likely terminal. What the hell else do you need to know? What to put on my obituary?"_

_"You know what I want on there"? She asked with as much sarcasm as she could muster. "In lieu of flowers, send congratulations"._

_Richie sat down with a hard thud and looked stunned. After a moment he said"Goddamn, I didn't know you hated me that much"._

_"Oh, stop it! I thought at first you were coming here for revenge, to kill me. But now I see that your revenge is making me watch you die."_

_"Well, fuck, Annie! __I knew__ you were as cold as ice, but I didn't know you were so __narcissistic! __Yes, I have no other desire in life other than to torment you! I'm sorry that my dying is such a nuisance to you". He said this bitterly as he looked into eyes that held no emotion. "You always said mom and dad loved me more. Well, you were right. They did, and the reason is that you are one cold bitch. They knew it, and I knew it. I thought you'd changed but you haven't. You always said I had a black spot where my soul is. Even __though __I was proven innocent of the things you thought that I had __done, you__ still say that. __I say you need to look in the mirror when you say those words __because sis, there's a black hole where __**your**__ soul should be. You don't deserve the family you have. You don't deserve Emma, you don't deserve Ryan. You don't deserve to be Spike's stepmother. You put me in hell for seven years and now that I'm free for what could be a few precious months, you want to deny me even the chance to know my family. You __can't__ even look __past the__ hate in your heart that was unfounded for so long. Does it hurt that much to admit you were wrong?"_

_Annie looked at him and said "That's not it. It really isn't. As for __me not__ deserving my __family, is__ that a threat?"_

_"And once again you don't answer the question with an explanation. "That's not it". Then what is it Annie?"_

_"__Answer my__ question"__ Annie repeated while pointedly__ ignoring his. "Are you threatening my family? And why are you telling me that I don't deserve Ryan? Since when did you become a fan of his"?_

_Richie sighed and put his head down. It was obvious he wasn't going to get an answer to his question. "First of all I'm not a big fan of Ryan's. But I do see that he –loves you._

_And I am not threatening you. I'm only stating a fact. You don't deserve them."_

_"Fine. I don't deserve them. But they're my only family now." She __looked at him one last time and stalked away._

_Richie wondered how and when things went so wrong between __him__ and Annie. He had loved her once. And she had loved him. "I'm not through with you __Annie". He__ said aloud._

_"Really? What does that mean"? _

_Richie turned and saw Ryan __standing by__ the edge of the boathouse. _

_"Hey, it's my brother in law! So you heard that warm exchange between my sister and __me__? She said that people should send congratulations__ in lieu of flowers__. Isn't your wife wonderful?__" _

_"Richie, I don't want to talk about Annie with you. She's my wife"._

_"And I bet you never saw the side of her that she just showed to me". Richie said sarcastically._

_Ryan remained silent, but in truth he had never seen the side of her that he had just witnessed. It confused him, but he knew that he couldn't vocalize that to Richie. He already felt disloyal enough to Annie when he was just fighting his attraction to Richie. Now that he had acted on that feeling he didn't feel it was right to begin siding against her. _

_Richie read his mind and said "__You feeling bad about those __kiss__es__, Ryan?__ You going to jump to Annie's defense because you feel guilty about what went down between us? Please don't. I can't hear it right now"._

_"I wasn't going to jump to Annie's defense. I just want to know what you meant when you said you weren't through with her. And also what you meant when you said that she didn't __deserve the__ family she has.__ Please, tell me the truth.__"_

_"I didn't mean anything. I don't even know what I meant. Ryan, what the fuck do you want me to say? My sister is basically saying she hates me when she was the one who screwed up my life and robbed me of tim__e that I could have had outside_

_And where was I? I was in a hell hole that you and she cannot even begin to imagine__ But I'm not going to go scheme and try and hurt any of you. I don't have the energy or the time. If you don't believe that then you know what, I don't __give a damn."_

_He started__ to walk away when he stumbled and started to fall backwards. Ryan came behind him and held him up. Richie leaned back into Ryan without realizing it, and rested his head on his chest. He felt Ryan wrap his arms around him, holding him close. He whispered into Richie's __ear "Hold__ on, I've got you. You're not going to fall. I won't let you"._

_Richie turned into Ryan's embrace and allowed himself to rest there for a moment. He lifted his face at__ the same time Ryan lowered his__ and kissed him. Unlike their earlier kisses this was__ a__ tender kiss which deepened the moment__ Ryan__ heard __Richie __breathe softly into his mouth. _

_When they broke away h__e could feel Richie's breath against his neck, and he said to him "That's ok, just stay there and rest. I am not in a hurry"._

_Richie looked up at him and said" Tell me the truth. What do you want from me"?_

_Ryan looked at him without speaking for a moment.__ Finally he said:__" I honestly don't know. I just know that I want you. And __**that **__is the truth."_

_TBC_


	6. Chapter 6

Two AM

_Ryan took Richie __home __-__reluctantly__ leaving__ him at the door after __Richie __told __him __repeatedly __that he was alright. _

_He drove around for awhile, trying to put what had been happening to him into perspective. He couldn't figure it out, and he had no idea who to talk to about it. He was attracted to another man, not only another man but his __**wife's**__ brother. And he hadn't only thought about it, he had acted on that attraction. _

_And now that very same man was __dying. __And his own sister didn't seem to care. Ryan was having trouble reconciling the woman who was so loving with him and their daughter to this stranger he saw talking to Richie. This side of her disgusted him, and it also frightened him. What else didn't he know about his wife? Not for the first time did he wonder about the way lies so easily rolled off her tongue when she wanted them too. Or how easy it was for her to con someone. At the time he believed her explanations. Now, however, it __just disconcerted__ him. _

_He found __himself trying__ to find someone who could understand, and before he knew it he was calling Bianca. He had a feeling she'd understand where he was coming from. She also didn't know Annie, so she could be objective about what was going on. Jon might understand unexpectedly being attracted to someone. Even if that someone was a man. __But Jon__ cared so much for Annie that he might just get all judgmental. Ryan couldn't handle that right now._

_The phone rang and he heard Bianca's __familiar,__ warm voice on the other end._

_"Hey, Bianca. It's Ryan. I know I haven't spoken to you in awhile, but I was wondering if I could talk to you about something. I don't know who else could understand better than you"._

_"Ryan-it's so good to hear from you! But __what's__ wrong? You sound terrible! It's not Spike, or Emma is it?"_

_"__No, no__" Ryan rushed to reassure her. _

_"Oh, good. Then what's the matter? Is everything ok with Annie? Kendall told me about what happened with Annie's brother. I'm so glad he turned out to be innocent! That must have put your mind at ease! Ryan was silent._

_"Ryan? What happened? Are you still afraid that Richie will try and get revenge on Annie because of the false imprisonment charges?"_

_He said in a soft voice" No, that 's not it"._

_When he didn't go on Bianca started to get worried. "This does have something to do with Richie though, doesn't it? Richie and Annie"?_

_"No, not Annie. At least, not directly"._

_He took a deep breath and began to tell Bianca the story. __"I__ was afraid __for awhile that Richie was __going__ to try and hurt Annie or my family. So I set __up cameras in the office __and his home so we could monitor him."_

_"My __God, Ryan__! That seems excessive"_

_"Yeah, well Annie was pretty frightened and I was also. "_

_"What happened? Did he find out?"_

_"He found out about the camera in his office. Not about the one in his home"._

_"Well, you said that you were wrong. He isn't planning revenge. So, what's wrong"?_

_"I__ –became a little obsessed with watching him. I found myself turning on the video –just to watch him. I don't know if it was that he seemed so complex __that I__ was intrigued. Or because he seemed sad underneath all of his exterior anger at Annie. I just found I was watching him a lot more than was necessary. I mean, I had tapes so it wasn't because I thought I'd miss something important he might've been planning. I also found that I was watching him in places I really shouldn't have been"._

_Ryan paused to let that sink in and hoped Bianca understood what he was saying._

_Her indrawn breath made him realize she did understand. She said quietly" Ryan, what happened. You know you can tell me"._

_"Bianca, it got to the point where I was watching him in the bedroom. Watching him-__naked. Watching him__ you know__–"_

_"And"-_

_"And I responded to that . I became excited, I- I started doing the same thing. Then he"_

_"What"? Bianca asked softly._

_"He called my name."_

_"Oh my God. Sorry, go on"_

_"It was like some sort of switch went on inside me, and I can't turn it off"._

_"Wow, Ryan. This is all so unexpected"!_

_"Yeah, tell me about it. But it gets worse. I've kissed __him a__ few times. And Bianca, I want more. I really do. And I don't know what the fuck to do about it! You know me, I've never been with a man, __and I've__ never consciously wanted any man.__ I don't know what the hell is happening to me. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to touch him, kiss him. I __want him__ so much that __it is__ driving me crazy._

_And now, today we found out that he has leukemia. __He's on__ a trial medication that he said had been working. __But we__ won't __know his__ current status __until we__ get the results of the blood tests."_

_"Ryan, how horrible! Wait-blood tests? He had blood tests done? Why?"_

_Ryan told her what had happened with Annie confronting Richie about the pills Babe had found, and about his subsequent plan to get the truth. _

_"He let you do that? Ryan, you know why he did __that,__ don't you?"_

_"He thought I was going to force him. I did have handcuffs on him." _

_"__No,__ Ryan. He agreed to do it after you removed the cuffs. He might have thought that you'd try and force him but he sounds like he can handle himself. I don't think that was the reason."_

_"Well, what do you think was the reason"? Ryan asked, __wondering if __it would be the answer he'd come to himself._

_"He did it for you. Ryan, it sounds like this guy has feelings for you, and I don't think they're just sexual"_

_Ryan sighed, __though he himself thought that was the reason. He even hoped it was the reason, if he were honest with himself. Hearing it aloud frightened him, though._

_"Ryan, listen to me" Bianca said__ firmly__"__You have to be honest with yourself. If you're __not you__ will just make Annie, Richie and yourself miserable. I don't __have the__ answer about why you find yourself drawn to this man. I don't pretend to understand what draws one person to another. Look at me and Zoe. But I do know that pretending it's not so doesn't make it go away. Neither does denying it"._

_"Bianca, he's my brother in law."_

_"I didn't say it was easy. I just said that if you're not __honest you'll__ end up hurting everyone even more"._

_Ryan didn't have any response to __that.__ He knew she was right. He just didn't know what to do about it._

_"__Thanks Bianca. For understanding and not judging me."_

_"Ryan, please call me anytime. I want to hear what happens. Good luck"._

_Ryan __laughed, realizing__ how __much luck__ he was going to need._

_They said goodbye and Ryan went home. _

_A few hours later__ Ryan found himself staring at the ceiling unable to sleep. Hell, eve__n breathing was hard. Lying__ next to Annie he kept trying to put the images of Richie out of his mind. He found he couldn't. He'd get one image out of his mind only to have it replaced by another one. He got up and dressed._

_He looked down at his sleeping wife and went out to see her brother._

_Richie answered the door after a few minutes of Ryan knocking loudly on it. He had sweatpants and a tee shirt on, and he looked like he'd just woken up._

_He leaned against the door and smiled at Ryan. "Well, it's my brother in law. To what do I owe this visit at 2 am?" _

_Ryan tried to stop himself from staring at Richie but found he couldn't help himself. Even dis__heveled and half asleep he still looked__ sexy. And vulnerable. _

_"__Let me__ in, please" Ryan said quietly._

_"Ryan, what's wrong? Come in." He took Ryan's hand and brought him into the house. _

_"Ryan-relax and breathe. Tell me what's on your mind"._

_Ryan found __himself speechless__, but he was still able to pull Richie toward him. _

_"I had to see you." He whispered into Richie's ear. _

_He __could hear__ Richie draw in a breath as his arms came up to hold Ryan. _

_"What is it"?_

_Ryan held him closer. He __said "I had to__ be with you. I don't know what __this __is,__ why this __is happening__, or anything that would remotely make sense. But there's something __about you__ that makes me want to be around you, wants to hold you, wants to kiss you." As he said these things he began kissing Richie's ear, his neck, __and his__ shoulders. He kissed him gently, __tenderly and__ he could f__eel Richie respond to his to __him _

_"Ryan"_

_Ryan slid his hands down to the inside of Richie's sweatpants. Fingertips brushing Richie's hips he pulled him closer. He let his hands continue to Richie's erection and he started to stroke it gently. __Richie almost __fell when__ he did __that. __Ryan's arms held him __up__and Richie__ let his hips lean into Ryan's touch._

_"Are you sure you want this"? Richie managed to form the words in between Ryan's kisses._

_He looked at Richie and said__" I__ want you to touch me"._

_That was all Richie had to hear, and in an instant he was pulling Ryan's clothes off, running his hands all over his __body,__ kissing and touching every place he could. Ryan felt Richie's hands __tremble as__ he unhooked his belt and unzipped his belt._

_His hands slid down his pants __and pushed them to the __floor. __Grasping his as__s__ he yanked down his boxers as well, grasping the length of Ryan's shaft and stroking him in a way that he'd never experienced._

_'Oh, God, just like __that,__ just like that"-Ryan knew he was babbling and didn't care. He just wanted Richie to keep doing what he was doing. He wanted to keep feeling the way he was feeling._

_Grasping and__ holding on like they would lose each other __if they__ stopped for a moment. _

_Richie pulled Ryan to the __couch and__ continued__, letting__ his lips and tongue continue the exploration his hands had begun. _

_Ryan couldn't__ stop the moans that were coming from his lips, "__Oh, my God that's it, touch me," It became obvious that he wasn't __just talking__ about sexually. He wanted Richie to reach inside and touch him. _

_Richie pulled him closer and continued, at the same time that Ryan continued stroking __him._

_When Ryan came it was like an explosion from deep inside him. _

_When Richie came he was almost sobbing. It had been a long time since he'd been touched with anything other __than violence__ or in a __detached, almost__ clinical way. A lot __of people__ wanted Richie in prison, but no one had cared about his pleasure, or him. At least, not in such a long time that Richie couldn't really remember it. He held onto Ryan, and when Ryan collapsed on the couch with him he __pulled him close_

_"It's just you and me right now". Richie thought. He wished it could remain that way._

_After awhile Ryan __reluctantly got __up and__, kissing Richie said the __words he__ didn't want to hear._

_"I have to leave. __Annie might__ wake up and"-_

_"Miss you. I know"-_

_"Richie, what the hell are we doing"? _

_Richie laughed at that. "You know what we're doing". He said teasingly._

_"You know what I mean. I should rephrase that. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been unfaithful to anyone before. Now I'm not only being unfaithful to my wife, I'm being unfaithful to her with her brother. Not a position I ever expected to be in"._

_"Why do you think you are in this position then"__? Richie asked. He was smiling a__t the pun but it was a sad smile._

_"I still haven't figured it out. But I don't think I can stay away from you. I also don't think I want to."_

_"I know I don't want you to." Richie said in a soft voice. Then, trying to lighten the mood he said:"If you thought this was good, you ain't seen nothing yet"._

_Ryan smiled__ and __shook his __head.__L__ooking Richie in the eye__ he__ said" That's what I'm afraid of"._

_TBC_


	7. Chapter 7

Happy Thanksgiving

A/N- Annie and Babe appear in this chapter. Annie invites Babe for Thanksgiving dinner in order to show her that Richie is not the right person for her.

_A few days later Ryan woke up and found Annie __making breakfast in the kitchen__ and Emma drawing a Thanksgiving turkey at the kitchen table._

_Emma looked up and smiled brightly at him. "Daddy"! She exclaimed, flying into Ryan's arms as though she hadn't seen him in months._

_"__Morning sweetheart__. " He swung her around and she __giggled._

_Annie looked at them and smiled. She looked happier than Ryan remembered seeing her in awhile._

_"Hey, that's what I like to see. That happy smile on your face" Ryan walked to her and kissed her._

_"Hey. Yes, I feel good this morning. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving."_

_"Yeah, it'll be nice to go to "The Comeback" and have dinner with everyone."_

_"Umm, about that" –I cancelled that. I hope you don't mind. I thought we'd eat at home tomorrow."_

_"Really, I thought you wanted to go there. But fine, I could go for a quiet holiday for once. __You, me__ and Emma"._

_"And Uncle Richie and Aunt Babe". Emma piped in._

_Ryan looked at Annie in a__mazement, and __said "__What"? _

_"Mommy said to make turkeys for Aunt Babe and Uncle Richie. So I started". Emma proudly showed Ryan the drawings she was making._

_"That's nice,__Emma" He said in a distracted tone._

_"Annie" Ryan walked over to her as she was __taking bacon__ and eggs out of the pan and putting them onto a plate."What the hell are you doing"? He asked this softly so as not to disturb __Emma, but__ the irritation was evident in his voice._

_She smiled up at him and said" What are you talking about? I'm inviting my brother and the woman he's dating to Thanksgiving dinner. Isn't that what a good sister should do? You want some breakfast"? She handed him a plate that he placed on the counter and __said "Annie__! Look at me! What's going on here? Why did you invite Richie here, and-Babe? Since when did you decide to encourage the two of them dating? And who said they were dating anyway?" He tried not to think about that last part._

_"Babe came to visit me and told me that I was being unfair to my brother. She admitted she has feelings for him. I thought it was only right that __I show__ her how wrong she is about him so she doesn't get hurt". Annie didn't look very concerned. In fact, she looked like the proverbial cat __that__ swallowed the canary. The canary in this case being Richie._

_Ryan wondered again who the __hell this__ woman he was sure he was in love with not so long ago__ was__ She seemed to be becoming a stranger right in front of his eyes. "How can you do that to your brother? Annie, don't you think we did enough to him when we thought he was guilty of those crimes? For God's sake, Annie, he could be dying!"_

_Annie stared at him in surprise, as though she thought he should be applauding this latest plan._

_She then shook her head and said "Richie said he got good news on that front. The blood tests show that the meds are working. So it looks like things are looking up"._

_Ryan had a moment's elation until it occurred to him that Richie was probably not telling Annie the truth. He either didn't know or the news wasn't good. He didn't know how he came to that conclusion. He __just felt it in his gut. He didn't want to even broach the subject with __Annie, so__ he just said"__And you want to make sure that –what-things go back to looking down as soon as possible"?_

_"Ryan, __I feel like you're taking sides against me, just like our parents always did with __Richie__. I have to protect Babe, and if you can't see that then you're being blind,"_

_"Stop lying Annie. Just stop it,__ok? You keep talking about your parents! How long are you going to blame Richie for the fact that you had lousy parents who loved one child and designated the other as the family scapegoat? Please. Call Babe back and tell her not to come"._

_Annie was still looking dumbfounded at what Ryan said. She didn't respond right away and when she did her voice __was very cold."I can't uninvite__ Babe. That would be rude! As for Richie, he __was hesitant , but when I reminded him how he said he wanted us to be closer he said ok." _

_**"You really **__**can be a **__**bitch **__**ca**__**n't you?**____**" He thought.**_

_Aloud he __said "Does__ he know that you plan on inviting Babe? _

_Annie shook her head no and Ryan groaned loudly._

_"__ Please, let's just have a Happy Thanksgiving , Let's tell them we've made other plans. I don't think we need to put Babe in the middle of a game you're playing with your brother"._

_"Stop saying that! And, forget __it;__ I'm not going to tell them that"._

_"Well then I will". Ryan said calmly and reached for the phone._

_Annie grabbed it from him."Stop it Ryan! I really hate that you're not supporting me."_

_"But you're being unfair. And what are you going to do anyway? Are you going to bait Richie so he'll lose his temper, then show Babe what __a bad__ guy he is?"_

_"I won't have to do anything" She said. "Richie will just be himself and she will make up her own mind"._

_Ryan sighed, realizing he was getting nowhere with Annie.__"__ Fine. But I'm telling you that __if you start anything I'm leaving__And__ I mean that". He said this quietly and with no emotion in his voice, but Annie knew he was serious._

_"I'm going to the office. I'll get breakfast on the way". He said__ and__ walked out the door._

_Richie was already__ at the office when he got there. The smile on his face __was so blissful that it broke Ryan's heart. He seemed happy, and Ryan had a feeling he knew the reason._

_"Good morning,__boss". He said the same words he used a few weeks __ago, but__ now when he said them it sounded like a term of endearment. _

_Ryan shut the door and walked to him. He grabbed him and kissed him fiercely. "__Wow__ nice greeting!" __Richie __said and moved in for another kiss.__This one was softer and more gentle but just as hot. __Ryan held him close for a couple of moments._

_"I guess my sister told you the good news? She invited me to Thanksgiving dinner? She sounded happy about it too. I-__felt kind__ of __guilty. __I finally told her yes, but if you want me not to cancel then I will__'_

_Ryan shook his head. __"I__ don't want you to cancel because of me. I do think you should __know__that Annie has invited Babe."_

_"Babe? Why?" Richie shook his head as the realization dawned on him. "Oh, I get it. Annie invited Babe because she thinks I like her and she wants to show her what a lousy excuse for a human being I am. Is that it?"_

_"Well, yes-partly. But the real reason is that Babe had come to her and said she has feelings for you and told Annie that she was being unfair to you"._

_Richie smiled when he heard that. "Babe said that? That's very sweet. "_

_Ryan didn't like the look on Richie'__s face when he said that. I__t must have showed on his face because he smiled and stroked Ryan's face. "You're jealous? You don't need to be. I did like Babe, but she was never the one that I really wanted."_

_Without thinking Ryan said "Who else was there"?_

_Richie laughed and said "You"._

_"Oh," Ryan knew he was turning red, but he was happy and relieved to hear that._

_Abruptly changing the subject he said: "Annie told me you got good news about the blood test. You are doing __well, she__ said"._

_"Yeah__, well__. About that-"_

_"Goddamnit Richie, don't tell me you lied about __that, please__!"_

_"Ryan, relax. I wasn't lying . Things are stable. They just haven't gotten any better. __But, remember__ I told you that I had been doing better than before I started the meds. So I am in good shape compared to then. Annie seemed so happy to hear that –I thought maybe she was sincere"._

_"I'm sure she __was, Richie__". Ryan said softly. She was, wasn't she? She wouldn't actually want him to die, would she? He couldn't believe that __of Annie__. No matter how different she was with Richie. He couldn't believe that she wouldn't care. _

_Richie seemed __unconvinced but__ smiled at Ryan anyway."That's __ok;__ I will still be there tomorrow. And I plan on having a good time __with all__ of you."_

_Ryan __said "Emma__ is making turkey placemats for all of us. She's especially proud of the one for her Uncle Richie"._

_"Emma is a sweet little __girl, Ryan__. You are very lucky.__"_

_"Thanks. I'm glad she's getting to know her Uncle Richie"._

_"Yeah, me too."_

_"Don't worry, tomorrow will be fine". Ryan said. _

_"I'll make sure of it" He thought to himself._

_Richie arrived__ early, carrying a Thanksgiving centerpiece for the __table. Annie__ greeted him with her usual semi snarky look and voice. Richie said" Hey sis, Happy Thanksgiving. I can see you're happy to have me. Here, these are for you and –Ryan." He spotted Ryan emerging from the kitchen with a platter of food. "Hey Ryan, Happy Thanksgiving boss". Richie had that teasing tone __again__ and his voice was very warm. Ryan couldn't help but smile back and wish him a Happy Thanksgiving as well._

_Annie looked back and forth __between the__ two of them and seemed puzzled. She said to Ryan __"__Richie brought a centerpiece for the table"._

_"I see it. It's very __nice, thank__ you". Ryan tried to keep his smile as small as possible, but found himself grinning again."God" He thought to himself. "I really am going to have to watch myself or I'm going to totally give myself away". He forced himself to look away and __went back__ to the kitchen._

_Annie took the centerpiece and said thank you in a grudging way._

_"Uncle Richie" Emma said and came running to __him, kissing__ him on the cheek._

_Richie seemed __a little__ overwhelmed by the __welcome, but__ very happy about it._

_"Hey Emma"! He laughed. "Happy Thanksgiving"._

_"Happy Thanksgiving Uncle Richie. Look"- she dragged Richie over to the table. "Look at the table. I made a turkey for you!" She happily shoved the turkey __placemat to__ him. _

_"That's beautiful Emma. Thank __you so__ much" He said and kissed her again._

_Babe showed up a few minutes later. She went over to Richie, gave him a kiss and said "Happy Thanksgiving". Richie seemed surprised by the __kiss, but__ he didn't pull away from her._

_Ryan cleared his throat and asked that they sit down at the table._

_Ryan immediately claimed the place next to Richie, before Annie could. Babe sat on the other side. At first conversation was a little strained but with Emma constantly jumping around, showing off her creations and telling stories they soon relaxed._

_After Emma was reluctantly put to bed__ Richie started telling__ bartending__ stories which had everyone laughing and Annie actually smiled at him. She said" I forgot how funny you can __be, Richie__"._

_"That's __me, sis__. " He said and smiled back at her._

_Babe joined in with her own bartending sto__ries and she and Richie __laughed at__ the similarities in their experiences. Ryan noted how often Babe touched Richie's hand and lightly t__ouched his arm or his shoulder._

_Ryan started drumming his fingers on the __table; this__ was starting to irritate him. He kept trying to interject but found that Babe just kept focused on Richie, and made sure Richie's focus was on her._

_So Ryan decided a little unspoken communication was in order to remind Richie that he was there. He moved his leg so that it rested against Richie's._

_He heard Richie gasp a little under his breath, and he looked at Ryan out of the corner of his eye._

_This pleased Ryan so he did it __again, subtly__ increasing the pressure on Richie's leg. "I want you to pay attention to me" He was saying._

_He slid his hand under the table and lightly stroked Richie's hand with his fingertips. "I want you to notice me" He said__ silently__ as he was nodding to whatever Babe was saying._

_Richie turned his palm over and grasped Ryan's hand momentarily." I feel you. I'm paying attention" He said silently._

_Leaning over him as he picked up the plates to bring to the kitchen he brushed his arm against his and leaned into him a little closely." I want __you:__ He was saying._

_Richie looked up and smiled a little."Me too" He was saying back._

_Reaching up to give Ryan his plate he made sure he touched Ryans' sleeve with his __arm__ and that his hand touched Ryans'. _

_When they moved over to the living room Ryan sat on the couch across from Richie and sat with his legs in front of __them, slowly__ opening __them. Saying__"I__ want you here"._

_Richie looked right at him and blushed a litt__le. Then he smiled a little and his nod said "I want the same thing"_

_Babe and Annie were talking about Fusion and didn't notice this silent exchange._

_Babe had to leave soon afterwards to help Krystal with the clean up at "The Comeback"._

_She'd come with her own car, and she encouraged Richie to stay and talk more with his sister. She gave him a kiss on the lips, and followed that up with __another, more__ lingering one. Richie was taken aback by this, but he let her kiss him. _

_Ryan glared at her and __said "Babe__! You should go before the snow falls." _

_Richie couldn't help but laugh as Babe said "It's not supposed to snow"!_

_"Yes, yes it is, and you wouldn't want to be stuck in it "! He said this as he was handing her coat and bag to her._

_"Oh, ok. I guess I should leave. Maybe you should leave too.Richie"._

_"Damn" Ryan forgot that would be a logical next thing for her to say. He was just thinking of how he could get rid of her._

_"__Yeah Babe, I will__ In a few minutes. Ryan is right. You should make sure you miss the storm"._

_"Ok, have a good night. And thank you Annie and Ryan for having me over"._

_Annie assured her she was very happy to have her and wanted to prolong the conversation. __Ryan cut__ in and __said "You're__ welcome. It was our pleasure. Get home safe" " Will you get the fuck out of __here, Babe__?" He said to __himself at__ the same time he was berating himself for his rudeness._

_Babe left and Annie went to check on Emma._

_"It's going to snow? There's going to be a __storm, Ryan__"? Richie laughed so hard he started coughing. _

_Ryan became concerned and put his hands on Richie's shoulders."Are you alright? You look pale." He brushed Richie's hair away from his face. _

_Richie closed his eyes at his touch and calmed down."I 'm ok. Really. Don't look at me like that. I probably should get __going, though__."_

_Ryan helped Richie with his coat, stopping for a moment to slide his hands underneath it to rub his back. They said goodnight, and Annie came out and __said goodnight__ to Richie as well._

_As soon as Richie left Ryan noticed he'd left his __scarf behind. __He ran outside and called after him. "You forgot this" he said with a smile._

_"Oh, thanks. __I definitely__ will need it when that snowstorm happens." He laughed._

_Ryan put the scarf around his __neck, allowing__ his hands to rest on Richie's chest._

_"Do you want me in the office tomorrow"? Richie laughed at the double meaning in his words._

_"No, not in the office. Ryan said softly. "I want you at home tomorrow"._

_Richie smiled and __said "When__"? _

_"Is 6am too early"?_

_Laughing again Richie said"Umm, just a __bit. Maybe__ you could make it 10am?"_

_"I'm not sure I can wait that long" _

_"Hmm, I like hearing that. Ok, when would you like to come over"?_

_"Six am"._

_"Oh __God, you__ were serious! Alright, come over at six! But you need to bring coffee and breakfast if you expect me to be even slightly awake"._

_"Coffee and breakfast it is __then". Ryan__ replied, a__ big smile playing on his lips. Glancing around he pulled Richie to him and kissed him. He was rewarded with a low moan and a rush of breath by Richie._

_"Do you think Annie is changing toward me?"_

_"I –it seemed like she was softening a little". Ryan hoped Richie wasn't going to start feeling guilty. _

_"I feel guilty" Richie said._

_"Please, don't. Not now, you need me. And I, well I need you"_

_Richie smiled and said "Me too, Now I had better go before it gets too late, and then you're going to need a lot more than coffee and breakfast to wake me up"_

_Ryan smiled. "I look forward to that"._

_TBC_


	8. Chapter 8

Ryan came over promptly at six a.m. the next day. When Richie opened the door he was standing there with the promised breakfast and coffee. Richie was surprised to see that he was shivering because it was snowing outside.

"Hey Ryan! You tempted the fates and brought the snow" He exclaimed.

"Very funny, now could you please let me in, I'm freezing standing outside here"!

Richie laughed and opened the door wider to invite Ryan in. He took the containers of food and coffee from him while Ryan stood on the mat and tried to remove the snow from his clothes and shoes.

Richie smiled. "Let me do that". He moved over to Ryan and gently brushed at his collar, his coat and his hair. Ryan relaxed into the touch of Richie's hands. Every touch was slow and sensual. He closed his eyes, allowing Richie to remove his coat and wrap his arms around Ryan's back, massaging up to his shoulders.

Ryan moaned as his coat hit the floor.

Turning him around,Richie kissed him with such ferocity it almost knocked him over. "My God, what are doing"?

Richie laughed and said" What do you think"?

"I think" said Ryan with a smile "that if you don't stop now, we will never get to eat breakfast"!

With great effort Ryan extracted himself from Richie's arms and took his hands. "Let's have breakfast before it gets cold."

"Ok, ok" Riche laughed and put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Let's eat".

Richie already had set the table and Ryan took out the several containers he'd brought.

Looking at everything Ryan had brought for them; Richie laughed and said "I really didn't mean you had to bring enough food for two days, Ryan. I was thinking of Danish and I was kidding about the coffee. I do have a coffee maker, you know. In fact, I am making some right now."

Ryan inhaled deeply and smiled. "That smells so good, what is it"?

"Macadamia nut".

"Wow, that's exotic"!

"Yeah, you don't know this about me, but I love to cook. I thought about being a chef for awhile. You know, going to school?"

"What stopped you-oh, I'm sorry. I can't believe how stupid I can be sometimes".

"Ryan, relax! It's not your fault my sister put me in prison, and it's not your fault that I have leukemia."

"I know, but I should have been more sensitive about it".

"Forget it-it was just a dream I had. It was one of many. Did you know that I was going to be drafted by the Padres?""The baseball team"? Ryan asked in a surprised voice. Annie had never mentioned it.

"I was good, too. I was a pitcher and I could throw around 98-100 miles per hour."

"What happened with that? Were you injured"?

"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. You have got to stop doing that"! Richie said in a teasing voice.

"Goddamnit, Richie, I'm sorry. I think-I feel a little awkward and so I'm not thinking straight."

Laughing at the unintentional pun eased the tension, and Richie covered his hand over Ryan's."It's ok; we're just having breakfast and talking right now".

Richie and Ryan finished taking the food out and Richie said "I haven't seen this much food at the same time since I first got out of prison! I went to the first diner I saw, ordered almost everything on the menu, and ate until long after I was full. It was the first time in seven years I was able to eat anything and everything I wanted. This all looks so good. All of my favorites-how did you know"? He asked and smiled at Ryan.

"I didn't, so I just got a little of everything. I figured everyone likes pancakes and croissants and bacon and French toast and strawberries and bananas and –stop laughing at me"! Ryan couldn't help but laugh as he looked at just how much food there was."Well, look at it this way. You have enough for about four breakfasts!"

"I'm sorry, I'm laughing but I appreciate you going to all this trouble. Next time I'll make breakfast for you". Ryan looked momentarily nonplussed by the matter of fact way that Richie said that. As though it were a given that there'd be other mornings like this. He had to look down and clear his throat before he could say anything in response.

"I would like that." He knew he was turning all different shades of red and was embarrassed. Richie took that moment to run his fingers through Ryan's hair and kiss him on his forehead.

"Good. So, what do you want to put on the pancakes, French toast, etc.? You know what; I'll just take out everything I have. We can have a sample of everything that way." As he was talking he took out maple syrup, chocolate sauce, honey, and whipped cream.

"Ok" he said, obviously pleased with himself. "Now we have everything we could possibly want to top off all this good food"

"Are you planning on using all that –because I usually just put syrup on my pancakes and French toast." Ryan couldn't hold back his laughter, and Richie pretended to be offended.

"Hey, you just aren't as adventurous as I am. You've got to be bolder. Here, try this whipped cream on the pancakes. It goes well with chocolate sauce, too."

Richie dropped some whipped cream on Ryan's plate at the same time Ryan was putting the syrup on his pancakes.

As they began eating Ryan said to Richie "You have syrup all over the side of your mouth." Reaching over he wiped it off with his finger. As he did so, Richie took his finger and slipped it into his mouth. Ryan moaned quietly and leaned further into Richie, accidentally thrusting his other hand into his plate, covering it in syrup as well.

As Ryan was going to say something about his own clumsiness, Richie picked up his hand and softly took each finger and lightly sucked on it. Then he moved his lips to the inside of Ryan's wrist and licked up and down his pulse until all traces of the syrup were gone. He could feel Ryan's pulse quicken and heard his breath hitch a little in his throat. Bringing his lips to Ryan's he kissed him. The taste of the syrup was sweet and warm in Richie's mouth, and Ryan let his tongue play with Richie's.

"Mmm, now that's good."Ryan licked his lips and smiled.

"Would that be me or the syrup"?

"That would be you".

"Ah, good answer". They laughed at that and started to talk about Thanksgiving as they continued eating.

"Babe really seems to like you."

"Um, yeah. She does. In fact, she called me last night".

"Really? Already, she called you already"? Ryan found that his voice was raised and he knew he sounded foolish. He was unable, however to keep the irritation out of his voice. Babe- what was it about that woman that she had to go out with every guy in town? Ryan wished she would move on to the next guy. Maybe Jonathan would be interested. It would be good to get him away from Ava.

He looked up to find Richie studying him as though he could read his thoughts."Problem, Ryan"? He asked.

"No, I just think that was a little quick, don't you"?

"Well that was because you had to mention the possibility of a storm. She wanted to tell me she had gotten home ok".

"That doesn't make sense. If it hadn't snowed why did she have to call you?"

"Ryan, this really bothers you, doesn't it? I told you that you don't have to be jealous of Babe. Would you like me to show you why"? Without waiting for an answer Richie leaned over and kissed Ryan.

"You taste like macadamia nuts". Ryan smiled and pulled Richie to him for another kiss. Licking the remnants of the coffee from Richie's lips he groaned and opened Richie's mouth with his tongue, stopping to bite softly on his lips.

"Here" Richie took some more whipped cream and put it in the coffee, smiling as Ryan took a sip and left a trail of the whipped cream on the side of his mouth. Richie wiped it off with his finger, and this time Ryan was the one taking Richie into his mouth, sucking gently on his fingers, and Richie was the one groaning softly and making small pleasure filled noises.

Richie whispered into Ryan's ears "You know where else this whipped cream would taste good"? He asked.

Ryan turned red and said "It's getting a little hot in here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Take off your shirt. Better yet, let me take it off for you". With that Richie ran his hands over Ryan's chest and sighed into his neck."I always liked this on you. And whenever I'd see you in it I wanted to do this" indicating massaging Ryan's chest with his hands."And this" bending down to kiss his chest, lingering over his nipples with his fingers and then his lips. "Then I'd want to do this" He illustrated by raising Ryan's shirt and leaving a trail of wet kisses down the length of his stomach."Then this. he said, bringing his hands behind Ryan's back and rubbing circles up and down."And this". Pulling his shirt over his head. Kissing him in every spot that was available for him to touch. Tugging at his pants. Opening his zipper and pulling them down slightly. Placing light kisses on his stomach and gently licking underneath it. Sending shivers up Ryan's spine as he kissed him all the way down to his cock. Smiling up at Ryan, he said "Do you want me to continue"?

Ryan looked at him behind lidded eyelids, moaning and breathing out softly.

"I-I think you know the answer to that". He said, and then muttered his displeasure when Richie stopped. "Why am I not feeling those beautiful lips on my cock? It's kind of anxious, you know."

"I'm anxious, too." Richie said, kissing back up to his lips. Ryan impatiently pushed Richie back against the counter and pressed his body in between his legs. Grinding against him, he said "I can't wait. I can't wait" as he started biting on Richie's lips, biting down hard until they were almost bleeding. Biting on his chin, placing bites down his neck. Sucking hard on the side of his throat. Enjoying the feeling of Richie's frantic movements against him. Hearing his desperation. Ryan got turned on even more as he heard Richie's cries. Knowing how much he wanted him made Ryan even hotter. It always made him hot to know someone else shared his need. Annie never reacted to him like this. Hers was always a sweet, quiet kind of passion. Nothing like the unbridled noise, heat and desire that came out of Richie. "Ryan" Richie breathed against Ryan's ear, biting gently on it."Let's take this to the bedroom".

"What are we waiting for"? Ryan asked in a hoarse whisper.

Ryan walked toward the bedroom, and Richie said he'd be right there.

When Richie returned Ryan was lying on the bed in just his boxers. Richie almost dropped the tray he was carrying and said "Whoa-you really know how to get a reaction"!

Ryan took in the sight of Richie's obvious arousal with a grin.

"I'm glad. I was hoping for a reaction. What do you have there"?"It's just some things I thought you might like to try. It seemed you were enjoying sampling the different toppings I had for our food. I thought we could continue finding other ways to use them besides on the pancakes and French toast"!

"What do you have in mind"?

"Well, I would rather show you than tell you". Richie smiled mischievously and put the tray down on the night table.

No sooner did Richie do that than Ryan grabbed him by the wrist and sat up on the bed."Take off your clothes". He said, his voice heavy with pent up frustration.

"Take them off me". Richie said in the same tone as Ryan's.

Ryan started unbuttoning Richie's shirt, becoming impatient with the buttons and ending up ripping the shirt off of him. Richie's eyes lit up when Ryan did that. It excited him to see how turned on Ryan was. Ryan tugged at Richie's pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. He took Richie's erection in his hands, and started to run his fingers up and down, rubbing and kneading the tip and moving his hands to cup Richie's balls.

He was rewarded by a cry from Richie as he moved as close to Ryan as he could manage. He buried his face in the side of Ryan's neck and started kissing him there.

"Let me on the bed" Richie demanded, and Ryan moved back to make room. He never broke contact with Richie, instead holding on to him as he guided him down with some force onto the bed.

They enjoyed the feeling of their lips and tongues thrashing together for awhile, and then Richie smiled and said" Let me get something". With that, he reached onto the tray and picked up the chocolate sauce.

"This is going to taste so much better on you than it ever tasted in my milk". He gently laid Ryan down and started to pour the sauce down his body. Starting at his neck and leaving a trail down to his navel, he slowly and languorously explored Ryan's body, spending extra time on places where Ryan would express sounds of pleasure and excitement. Ryan didn't know there were so many parts of his body that could be responsive to the touch and feel of another. Richie was licking and caressing him in places no one had before. Who knew that having chocolate sauce licked out of your navel could feel so good? Or that the feel of someone's tongue in the spot between your lower abdomen and groin could drive you insane with pleasure? Or that the feel of kisses in between your thighs followed by a brush of a tongue and the feel of a warm mouth on you could make you grip that person's hair until they cried out because it felt so overwhelming?

Richie traced a trail down Ryan's legs, and grinned when he got to his toes."This may feel funny, but I promise you you're going to love it". As he said that he took Ryan's toes into his mouth and lightly sucked on them. "He's right" Ryan thought as he threw his head back and moaned. "It feels unbelievably good. It also made him realize how much he wished Richie's mouth was on another part of his anatomy. "Richie, I want"-he pushed his hips slightly forward and Richie moved up on Ryan's body until his face was between his legs. He gently kissed the inside of his thighs again, and Ryan groaned and said"Stop teasing me"!

Richie said "Do you remember my telling you of other places on the body that whipped cream would taste good? Well, I think I need to show you what I meant by that". With a look of pure mischief on his face, Richie picked up the cream in his hand and spread it on Ryan's cock. Ryan started laughing at how cool it felt on his skin, and started thrusting himself into Richie at the feel of Richie's mouth and tongue on him. Richie's mouth was hot and the combination of its' heat and the cool of the cream felt indescribable. Richie slid his way up Ryan's body and kissed him on his lips. He tasted the whipped cream, felt the heat of Richie's mouth, and could taste himself on Richie. The idea of his taste on Richie's mouth excited him and he pulled Richie in deeper to him. The two of them were grinding against each other and thrusting together. Realizing that Ryan was close Richie went back down and took him into his mouth again. Ryan thrust himself deeply into Richie's mouth."Richie"-Ryan called out to let him know he was about to come. Richie released him and Ryan came on his chest, He collapsed on Ryan's stomach, and for a few minutes the only sound heard was the two of them breathing together. Ryan ran his fingers through Richie's hair, and he heard Richie sigh contentedly against him.

"Hey" Ryan said. "It's your turn now. What would you like me to use on you"? He asked, looking at the tray.

"Whatever you would like to taste would be fine with me. I just want your mouth on me." Ryan started kissing him then, and in between kisses Richie continued, saying "I want your lips, your tongue, even your teeth. I want it all".

Ryan reached up and got the maple syrup from the tray. "This tastes better on you than it does on the pancakes". He let the syrup drip down Richie's body, letting his tongue dance and play over Richie's nipples, in the hollow of his neck, his shoulder, down his sides (where Ryan discovered Richie was very ticklish) and to his hips. He licked the area around Richie's cock, and let his tongue tease Richie's balls. He didn't touch Richies cock with his mouth until Richie started moaning and calling his name. Then he took some of the syrup and let it drip down on Richie. But only after he rubbed Richie's cock with his fingers, teasing it until drops of pre cum started to fall did he put it into his mouth. Richie was practically screaming at this point, and he kept saying his name over and over. Ryan could feel Richie about to release, and he withdrew his mouth and Richie came on his chest and his stomach. Ryan took the same position Richie had before, and again they shared unspoken communication, just breathing together and hearing the other's heart beating.

After awhile Ryan brought himself up to Richie and kissed him. Richie responded, still hungry for more. He buried his face in Ryan's neck and sighed deeply.

"Are you ok"? Ryan asked in a worried tone.

"I'm fine, baby". Ryan was surprised. Richie had never called him any term of endearment before. It touched him and he repeated it softly to Richie. "Baby. I like the way that sounds when you say it".

Richie smiled and said "Well than I will make sure I say it often. Tell me, did you enjoy all the treats we had today"?

Ryan laughed and said he did indeed enjoy all of the treats they had that day.

"I feel like my senses are on overload. So many wonderful sensations. So many wonderful tastes".

"Mmm-yes I would agree" Richie smiled at Ryan and touched his face.

"Which one was your favorite? Let me know so I make sure to always have it here for you".

Ryan pulled Richie closer and bent down to kiss his shoulder.

"My favorite? My favorite was the taste of you".

Richie's eyes widened at that and he said softly "I can make sure that's always here for you".

Ryan pulled Richie to him so that his head rested on Ryan's chest. Richie smiled and repeated what Ryan said under his breath.

"What did you say"? Ryan asked, laughing because Richie's voice was muffled in his chest.

"I said I felt the same way. The thing I enjoyed the most was the taste of you". He looked up and kissed Ryan, saying it again under his breath.

"The taste of you".

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

_Healing the__ Scars_

_Richie and Ryan fell into an easy rhythm over the next couple of weeks of sharing time together at work__ It__ also__ became as comfortable for Ryan to go to Richie's after__ work as it did for him to go home. _

_Ryan told Richie it was because he loved to be with __him__ and that was true. What was also true was that he had started to dread going home. Between his feelings of guilt and Annie's growing indifference to him, he really had nothing much to look forward to__ except for his __daughter. He__ didn't want to share his concerns with Richie, but of course Richie could figure out what he was doing. He always seemed to know what he was doing and thinking. It was scary sometimes._

_One evening after dinner Ryan was staring into the fire with a s__omber __expression on his face._

_"Hey, what's wrong"? Richie asked, putting an arm around Ryan's shoulder._

_Sighing, he tried to decide how much of his situation he should talk about. He really didn't want to burden Richie with stories about his problems with Annie. Annie had become civil to Richie since Thanksgiving, trying to mend fences with him "while she still could" she said. _

_In spite of Richie's protests,__Annie continued to push the idea of pairing Richie with Babe. She gave Richie tickets to a concert one night and told him to bring Babe. Babe had been unable to attend, and Ryan and Richie had gone instead. It had turned out to be a very romantic evening. _

_Ryan knew he should feel guilty about this relationship with Richie. It just was out of his control. His emotions, his reaction to him, his __need was too great to let him go. And he didn't want to let him go. He tried to rationalize it by saying no one knew how long Richie had. But when he would allow himself to be honest he would say if Richie were cured tomorrow he still couldn't bring himself to let go. He was in too deep and he knew it._

_Ryan could see that Richie struggled with the same feelings. He had felt anger and hatred toward Annie for so long that it was hard to rid himself of that. And now that she was making overtures toward him, seeming as though she wanted __reconciliation__, there was a part of Richie that wanted that too. So, he had guilt and sadness about what he was doing. But he couldn't stop __himself, either_

_In response to Richie's question Ryan said"__Life is too complicated__, isn't__ it__"_

_Richie laughed and agreed. Then he got seriou__s and said" Is this about Annie__"_

_Ryan nodded and Richie moved closer and looked deeply into his eyes._

_"Ryan, do you want to end this? Is that__ what you're trying to tell me?"__ Richie tried to sound nonchalant when he said __this, but__ he knew he was failing._

_"__No, no__, God Richie! I'm not even thinking that!" Ryan's voice got loud and he realized he was panicking. He blushed. "The last thing I want is to lose you now". "Or ever". He thought to himself._

_Richie's __face showed__ his relief and he quickly lowered his head to hide it._

_Ryan had seen him, however, and he lifted his chin and kissed him. __Pulling__ Richie tightly to him, he said "There's no way in hell that I'm leaving you. No way"._

_Richie was glad that his face was close to Ryan's chest so his face wouldn't reveal how much those words meant to him. He __felt frightened__ at how much Ryan had come to mean to him. _

_Experience had taught Richie that needing someone, depending on someone only led to __disappointment, loss, __or incredible__ pain._

_As if sensing what Richie was feeling, Ryan pulled Richie away slightly so __he could__ look at his face. "Did you really think I would leave you now"?_

_"I __wouldn't blame__ you. I know how much it means for you to have a family, to have Emma"._

_"I'm not losing Emma. And I don't think Annie and I are going to be together too much longer. Too much has happened, and I don't just mean us. You've been a catalyst, but Annie and I had problems before that. She was always holding back from me, hiding pieces of herself. And when you came along I saw sides of her I really didn't like. I understood it when I thought you were guilty of all those things she thought you'd done. But when I __saw how__ she still acted toward you when you were found innocent, __it made__ me feel differently about her. I lost a lot of the love I felt for her because I realized I really didn't know her. And I __didn't like__ what I found out"._

_Richie interrupted with the bizarre need to __defend Annie. "You can't totally blame her for finding it hard to let go of the anger she had for so l__ong. I find it hard to let go of.__ "_

_"You have a reason to never let go of the anger. You were the __one who__ was innocent"._

_"Yeah, but Ryan my father didn't know that Annie wasn't the one w__ho pushed him out the window any__ more than he didn't know it wasn't me. Yet he believed me and not her. And he never let her forget it.__"__ Richie sighed. "I wish he h__ad remembered it was our mother__ a long time before that.__"__ He looked at Ryan and said "If you hadn't convinced him to get hypnotherapy to remember that night we might never have known. Thank you"._

_"Don't thank me. I only did that because I thought it would prove you were guilty"._

_"It doesn't matter. It made Annie and __I__ realize that we were both victims. Our mother turned out to be the one who had done all those things Annie accused me of. And she got off on watching the two of us try and destroy each other. She set us up. She also had this sick obsession about __me. The __more Annie__ accused __me, the__ more I had to look to her for comfort and affection. The problem was that my father took my side,__too. So she didn't have me to herself. She started escalating things to make me look psychotic. I even began to doubt myself." Richie's voice broke as he remembered what his mother had done. Ryan reached for him and __said"__You don't have __to talk__ about this if you don't want to. But if you do, I'm listening."_

_Richie nodded and continued with his story. "The more I doubted myself the more I lashed out at Annie. It never crossed my mind that my own mother wou__l__d do something like that to me. So I assumed it was Annie. __ Because my father sided with me in spite of her efforts m__y mother decided that my father had to die._

_ When my father was thrown from the window__ but didn't die__ my mother __didn't know what she should do. If she implicated me then I could get in trouble. __But if __she __implicated me__my father would shun me and she would have me all to herself. __My father didn'__t know who had done it, but__ he was so angry at being deaf from the accident that he couldn't focus on anything else. _

_Right after that, Annie__ set me up to go away for the robbery and assault. She believed I had thrown my father out the window and she was afraid.__"_

_"What she did was __horrible, Richie__". Ryan protested. "It was one thing to think you'd be sent to a hospital and get help. It's another thing to hold back and lie when she found out that you were going to end up not only in prison, but in a maximum security prison. I'__ve seen__ the scars of what happened to you there. "_

_Ryan let his fingers gently trace the scars on Richie's back. "You didn't deserve these. No __one does__, but especially not you. You weren't even guilty of what they accused you of." He lowered his lips to where his fingers were still tracing the scars. He could hear Richie's indrawn breath and felt him tense._

_"That doesn't hurt.__does it"?_

_"Not physically__,no. It's just that whenever anyone touches or even looks at __them too__closely, well__ let's just say it brings back-"_

_"Bad__memories"? Ryan questioned._

_Richie's smile was the saddest he'd ever seen on anyone. "Ryan" he stood up and moved to walk back to the kitchen. "Bad is the least of what I'd call these memories"._

_Ryan was mortified to think that his comment seemed to make Richie feel even worse. He got up to join him and f__ound Richie pouring some __whiskey __for himself._

_"Richie, I'm sorry. I didn'__t mean__ to trivialize what you went through.'_

_"I know you didn'__t__ And it's not your fault."_

_Ryan walked over and put his arms around Richie. "Can you pour one of those for me,__too"? He asked. "Then I'd like to not talk for awhile and just __lie__ down on the rug near the fireplace and relax. Does that sound ok"?_

_Richie smiled and visibly relaxed. "No talking sounds promising to me" and handed __the glass he had poured to __Ryan, headed__ to the rug and stretched out on it._

_Ryan lied down next to him and watched him. Richie still looked very upset and he rolled over on his __stomach, turning__ his face away from Ryan's. Ryan sat partially up __then__ and stroked Richie's shoulder. The light from the fire made the scars seem brighter and angrier somehow, and Ryan couldn't help touching them again._

_This time Richie did not flinch and move away. He didn't move at __all, but__ Ryan could hear a change in his breathing. He had a hitch in his breath, and there were tears in his eyes. _

_Ryan just kept touching him, stroking lightly, then just as softly as before he kissed the scars._

_In the firelight he could see Richie's tears falling, but he didn't say a word. _

_Ryan pulled him closer and ran his fingers through Richie's__ hair._

_"I was eighteen when I went to prison." Richie said softly. __"I__ was by no means green or innocent. I acted out because of all the shit going on at home. I ran with a gang for awhile, right before I went away. Nothing that serious. Petty crimes, bullshit. Just something to belong __to,__ you know? Someway to get rid of the anger"._

_Ryan thought of his own experiences with places like the fight club,__when __he had__ tried to get rid of his anger. Those types of things never worked out well, but you couldn't tell anyone that when they were in the throes of their anger__and self__ hatred._

_"So, I knew how to fight" Richie was speaking again, Ryan realized and snapped out of his reverie. "I knew how to defend __myself. __But I was __alone, and__ Ryan, one thing you never want is to be in prison alone. With no alliances, no affiliations I was doomed. I was in a fucking maximum security __prison, for__ Christ's sake! Me, an eighteen year old with no __priors. __The predators saw me coming a mile away_

_My cellmate used to beat me up __every night__Every night__! And I couldn't get away. I couldn't ask for a transfer without him finding out and killing me. I couldn't tell the __authorities, because__ being a snitch was worse than actually doing something horrible to another person. He used his hands, his belt, his ---well anything he could find. He was so fucking crazy. He was out of his mind with rage. He had KILLED __people, Ryan__! Killed people. And I was his cellmate. And I became his—well, what would you call it-bitch?" His bitch. It was horrible and humiliating, and I dreaded it. Dreaded everything. But the sex wasn't as bad as the beatings. At least when he was fucking me he could be aggressive without making me practically unconscious._

_But he got progressively more possessive of me. Jealous of anyone else talking to me, touching me. It was insane. But he'd start fights with guys he __thought were__ even__ looking __ at __me. "_

_Ryan thought that the bizarre behavior notwithstanding he could understand the man's feelings. There was something about Richie that drew people to him, something very sexual and sensual. Because he and Richie could not act like lovers when they went out Ryan was treated to the effect Richie had on women and men alike. It was very difficult to not want to push the offending person out of the way and say something totally __inappropriate, such__as "__Back the fuck __up, he's__ mine!"__ Ryan could imagine how he would have acted if he had been psychotic._

_"One day he hit the wrong person. Someone who had connections that reached far higher than his. _

_They found him dead the next day. Thankfully I was in a class at that time."_

_"Did things get better then"? Ryan asked. Hoping the answer would be yes._

_"Somewhat". Said Richie. __"I__ was still the property of someone. But he treated me much better __than John__ had. He actually encouraged __my learning__, my attempts to improve my body and mind. I even started to feel better about the -----you know.sex". Richie lowered his voice when he said that so Ryan had to get closer to hear him._

_"__Richie that__ is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad you were able to feel pleasure, maybe even affection from someone. It must have helped tremendously."_

_Richie paused while he tried to regain his composure. Finally he said __"Well, the sex was still more about his pleasure than mine. But it was good sometimes. At least it wasn't brutal._

_ And everything else- i__t was like someone handed me a lifeline. I truly don't know what would have happened to me if Joseph hadn't taken me. He was the one that John had hit. The one who killed him. I was terrified of him at first, but then I realized that he didn't want to hurt me. I was grateful. But I wasn't free." Richie sighed. "That's why when I left I determined to not get involved with Joseph's associates on the outside. I wanted to be on my own. I wanted freedom, especially since I knew I didn't have much time__."_

_"And we wasted so much of it harassing __you, didn't__ we?"_

_"Hell, Ryan __don't__ worry too much about it. If you hadn't gotten me fired and made me work for you we'd never have gotten together". Richie smiled at __him, but__ the memory of that time made Ryan cringe. He'd been so sure he was __right, that__ Annie was right. But even if they had been, the things he did to him were __cruel. He'd effectively cornered him, stripped him of everything. And Richie still turned around and beat him at his own game._

_And then __Ryan ha__d fallen for him. _

_Not that he would tell Richie that. It scared him to even think it, much less say it. But it was the truth._

_He let his fingers run down Richie's scars again, leaning down to lay a trail of kisses down his back, stopping where they did –at __the very small of his back, down to the top of his ass. He continued to the ones on the inside of his thighs, pausing to lick up and down as he stroked him and kissed him. _

_Richie moaned and spread his legs out further. _

_"I want to make it go away," Ryan said, his voice shaking with anger and sadness._

_"I know you do, Ryan. And I –thank you for that. __But you__ can't. These are scars I'll always carry. No one can heal them"._

_"Yes, yes we can. We can. Not make them go away physically, but we can make the pain go away."_

_Ryan moved back up to Richie's side._

_Richie turned over __and ran his fingers down Ryan's face. "How can we do that"?_

_"We're doing it __now;__ we do it every time we touch, whenever we make love, every __time we__ hold each other. Every time we do that we replace one of those memories the scars symbolize __with a__ loving one._

_"I'm not sure that's going to work, Ryan." Richie said dejectedly and rolled back on to his stomach. _

_Ryan whispered to him "It's already working. You feel this scar?" Ryan circled it with his finger._

_Richie nodded._

_"It's starting to disappear. Seriously, don't laugh. We can do it" Ryan took Richie's face in his hands and kissed him._

_"We can do anything"._

_Richie closed his eyes and thought how much he wanted that to be true._

_TBC_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N- I wrote this chapter before Annie decided she and Ryan should have a baby on the show, so it's kind of funny that both me and the writers thought this would be Annie's response to feeling threatened about her marriage.The timeline is different from the show,however. It's a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing the story. Sorry it took so long to update. Next chapter will be up soon!

--

"I think we should have a baby," Annie said one morning.

Ryan practically spat out his orange juice and he said:"What are you talking about?'

"A baby. What is so earth shattering about that?" Annie asked

"Annie, we've been practically strangers these last few months. Things were strained with us before then. And now you're talking about another baby? Is this the time to be thinking of something like that? "

"Maybe we need something positive to look forward to." Annie said "Maybe if we had that we could start forgetting about the stress and the fights and the ugliness and the-"

"Well don't stop now. The way you make our marriage sound who wouldn't want to have a child?"Ryan asked sarcastically.

Annie remained quiet.

"Yes, let's not forget the silence! The silence is deafening in this house. We never talk about anything! Even when we're not fighting we don't seem to have a connection anymore."

"And that's my fault"? Annie demanded.

"I didn't say it was your fault. It's both our faults, and in some ways it's neither of our faults. We just don't fit together the way we thought we did."

"Why don't we go for counseling? Then we could think about another baby, right"?

"Annie, I think it's too late for that." Ryan was amazed that she would be saying this now. What was causing this abrupt turnaround?

"What's really going on here, Annie?"

Annie banged her hands on the table and said: "Fuck you."

Ryan grabbed her hand and said "Calm down."

"I'll fucking calm down when you tell me you are at least thinking about it!"

Annie's voice could be incredibly shrill when she yelled. It gave Ryan a headache. He put his hands up and said"Ok, let's just drop it for now. We can talk about it later."

"Alright. Don't forget to come home on time tonight. I've invited Babe and Richie over for dinner."

"Jeez, Annie would you stop the fuckin' matchmaking? Richie doesn't like Babe that way. He just wants to be her friend. So I don't know why you're encouraging her to think otherwise." God, here comes the headache that started with the yelling. Now it progressed to a throbbing in his temples.

"What makes you think you know what Richie wants?"

"He's told me! He doesn't want Babe."

"What does he want then? Is there someone else he likes? I never see him with any other women." Annie pondered this.

"He wants- I don't know if he likes anyone else, Annie. I just know it's not Babe."

"Well, I already asked her. Let's see how things go tonight."

"Great" thought Ryan. "Can't wait for tonight."

That night Babe arrived first in a very casual but pretty dress. She obviously was trying to impress Richie.

Ryan immediately hated the dress. And he wasn't thrilled with Babe herself, either.

They were making small talk when Richie came in.

Ryan couldn't keep the smile off of his face when he saw Richie. Fortunately the two women were too busy greeting Richie to notice. Richie noticed, however, and gave him a smile in return.

"Hey Ryan. I feel like I haven't seen you in awhile," Richie joked because they had seen each other that day at work.

Ryan smiled at him and agreed that it had been a long time.

Annie broke in and asked "Doesn't Babe look pretty, Richie?"

Richie looked over at Babe and smiled. "She always looks pretty. That is a nice dress, Babe."

Ryan felt his headache coming back. "Let's sit down and have a drink. We have a little while before dinner." He led them over to the living room, where Babe had attached herself to Richie as they sat down.

"You two look so good together. Don't they, Ryan?" Annie smiled at Babe and Richie.

"Fuck me" thought Ryan. "Yes, they look very good together."

Richie grinned at Ryan's obvious discomfort. He knew Ryan well enough to know how jealous he was.



They made small talk until dinner was ready. As they sat down Babe again made sure she was sitting next to Richie. She also made sure she was in constant contact with his body. Touching his arm or his hand. Holding onto his hand when he passed her something she could have gotten herself.

"I really hate you, Babe," Ryan thought. He followed that thought with his renewed determination to fix Babe and Jonathan up. The irony between the two thoughts escaped him.

For his part Richie was very gracious to Babe, while being careful to not really reciprocate her constant attempts to touch him.

Out of nowhere Annie said "Ryan and I are thinking of having another baby!"

Babe smiled and clapped her hands saying "That's great news!"

Richie dropped his fork and his face went completely pale.

"Richie, what's wrong?" Annie asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"No, I'm….fine. I just, I –my blood is-I need a transfusion. Luckily I'm going to the hospital tomorrow."

Babe said "Do you want to lie down? You look like you might pass out."

"I'm fine! Sorry, I'm fine. I think maybe I should go home, though".

"Wait, Richie. You shouldn't drive like that. Why don't you just rest for a few minutes and see how you feel then?" Babe pleaded, obviously worried.

Richie smiled at her and said "Maybe YOU should take me home, Babe. I can pick up my car tomorrow."

Ryan found that he was unable to say anything coherent. He was still in shock by Annie's pronouncement, and concerned about the obvious effect it had on Richie. He wanted to tell him that it was NOT going to happen, that this was Annie's desire, but it was misguided, and it wasn't his idea. But before he could say anything Richie had his coat on and was leaving.

He didn't say goodbye to Ryan.

After they left Ryan angrily faced Annie and said "What the hell did you do that for?"

"What, say that about the baby?"

"Um, YEAH-what the hell is wrong with you?"

Annie said "Well, I know it's going to happen."

"No, no you don't. I don't want another baby. I certainly wouldn't consider anything so drastic without us getting counseling, and I honestly don't understand why you would even want to try."

"I told you why."

"And I told you then that it didn't make sense. I wish you'd tell me what's really going on. We have been living like strangers practically; you seem indifferent to me and our marriage. And all of a sudden you want to have a baby --why?"

"I don't want this marriage to fail," She said. "For Emma's sake and mine. I don't want to fail either."

"It isn't fair that we stay together because of Emma. You know that. And why would you think that getting a divorce would be a failure on your part? Many people divorce, they grow apart. Or, in our case, find out that they didn't really know each other that well to begin with. We did get married rather quickly. I wasn't even in love with you when we married," Ryan was perplexed.

"Do you now? "

"What"?

"Love me now. Because I don't think you do".

"And you love me?" Ryan said this semi sarcastically. Because he really didn't think she did.

"Yes, I do." She said in a very unconvincing way.

"I don't believe you" Ryan said. And then he got his coat and left.

--

"I love how you've decorated your place, Richie! I don't think I've been here since you moved in!"

Richie tried to make himself return Babe's smile, but he found himself unable to forget Annie's words.

A baby? How could he even think of having a baby when he and Richie were so close? Ryan had made it sound as though it was only going to be a short time before he and Anne divorced.

Annie could be talking out of desperation. God knows she could be as reckless as he was when she got desperate.

But still, that was an unbelievably stupid thing to announce if she and Ryan hadn't agreed to it ahead of time.

Richie saw Ryan's surprise and what looked like anger. But maybe that was because he wasn't expecting Annie to say anything. Maybe he had said he wanted to wait to make the announcement and Annie didn't pay any attention.

Big surprise there, Richie thought. Annie not listening and doing just what she wanted to do. To hell with what anyone else wanted. His previous anger at her resurfaced and he wanted to go back there and yell at her.

But that would look ridiculous.

He also didn't want to see Ryan right now.

Babe was still speaking. "Damn," he wondered. "Did this woman ever stop talking? What the hell was she saying, anyway?"He supposed he should pay attention. It was rude not to, and it wasn't her fault he felt like his life was falling to pieces at this moment. She couldn't know that.

She was waiting for him to say something. "Fuck, I knew I should have paid attention."he thought.

"Sorry, Babe. What did you say?"

"I asked if I could get you anything".

"Oh, sorry. I was feeling a little weak just then. Um, maybe I'll have a drink. I'll make you one, too. You don't have to do it."

"It's ok, I don't mind"-

"Really, Babe ("Would you just please shut up"? Richie thought) it's ok." Suddenly the only thing he wanted to do was get out of this room and not have to talk for a few minutes. And he didn't want Babe to see him falling apart.

After finding out that Babe wanted a glass of wine, Richie made himself a double scotch on the rocks. He wanted to get Babe out of there and get drunk, but he knew he'd have to make small talk for awhile more just to be polite. She had driven him home, after all. Why had he asked her to take him home? Oh yeah, well besides the fact that he needed to get out of there and was feeling weak, he wanted to get Ryan jealous. Damn, what a stupid idea. He obviously couldn't mean that much to Ryan if he was thinking of having another baby.

Maybe Ryan wasn't jealous all that time because he cared. Maybe he was just being an asshole.

Richie could believe that.

A few drinks later and Richie felt mildly better. Babe was tipsy and stared at him intensely.

"What's wrong? Do I look that bad?" Richie asked.

""No, you look better, actually"

"I'm feeling somewhat better," Richie admitted. He was kind of glad now that Babe hadn't gone home right away.

"Why don't we make you feel all the way better?" Babe asked. Richie turned to her and gave her a quizzical look.

"How?" He smiled when he said that, as he had a pretty good idea of what Babe's answer would be.

Instead of answering verbally she leaned in and kissed him. Richie hesitated a second and she took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss.

Richie relaxed into it and realized he was enjoying it. He couldn't stop thinking that it was Ryan who should be making him feel better though, not Babe.

But apparently Ryan had other ideas

Ryan wasted no time after leaving Annie to go after Richie.

He stopped outside the house, however when he saw that Babe's car was still there.

Thinking she'd be leaving soon Ryan parked outside sat in his car and waited.

When a few minutes turned into an hour Ryan was ready to go in there and find out what the hell was going on. He stopped himself just in time. It would look really bad if he were to be banging on the door in the middle of the night.

He could say he'd tried Richie's cell phone (which he had) but just got his voice mail.

He frowned as he remembered this was true. Could that be why Richie didn't pick up his phone? Was it because the bit- Babe was there?

Maybe he was getting a lot more from her than Ryan realized.

The thought made his blood boil.

He got more and more furious and started to bang on the steering wheel. What if he'd been wrong about Richie not being interested in Babe? What if he'd been lying to Ryan all along? Hell, maybe he'd already fucked for all he knew!

Logically Ryan knew this wasn't true. Logic was not one of Ryan's strong points when he was upset, however. He was prone to exaggeration and flights of fancy at those times.

And he was always jealous where Richie was concerned.

"Babe, I hate you". Ryan muttered under his breath.

He sat back in his car and waited.

Babe never went home.

--

Richie woke up feeling very uncomfortable. His back was tight and his face felt pinched. It took him a moment to realize that it was because he was lying on the couch.

What the hell happened? Had he passed out drunk or something? He remembered that Babe was there and that they'd both gotten a little drunk. He had a flash of them kissing and he groaned. "Oh shit, please don't have let us have fucked. Not that, please" He didn't know who he was pleading to. Maybe the god of fucked up drunken people? He could imagine that a lot of people spent time on their knees to that particular god.

"Pleaase don't let me have fucked up while I was drunk. I didn't mean to sleep with/fuck/blow/get high/fight/say that/say I love you/say I hate you--fuck you".

Oh no. please don't let me have had sex with Babe.

She wasn't next to him and he wasn't in the bed, so that was a good sign.

He also had clothes on, although his shirt was opened.

He thinks he'd at least have his zipper open if he and Babe had sex.

He blushes slightly, thinking of the "fast and furious" fucks that he and Ryan have in the office.

He put his head in his hands and sighed.

Babe came into the living room from the kitchen, carrying two mugs of coffee.

"Hey, you're up." She smiled at him."Thank goodness it's Saturday, at least you can sleep in a bit." She handed Richie one of the mugs of coffee, made just the way he liked it.

Babe had been paying attention. Richie groaned inwardly, feeling slightly guilty. He knew it wasn't his fault because he hadn't been leading her on.

Annie had.

Damn her.

For the first time he was happy that he had to go to the hospital. He needed the transfusion and he wanted to get away from here.

Thinking of the transfusion made him kind of sad, however.

It was hard to focus on the future when you had this death sentence hanging over your head. He tried to stay upbeat and positive. Sometimes, when he was with Ryan or Emma or when he was so engrossed in work he almost forgot about it. Almost could believe that the new medications were working, and that he could get this leukemia into remission.

But then he'd feel sick, or hear that he needed to get a transfusion and it would all come crashing back down on him.

So why should he even care about Ryan and whether he'd leave Annie? He wasn't going to be here much longer to feel rejected or alone.

Fuck, it still hurt. No matter how he looked at it. In fact thinking that Ryan would be planning another baby while he was probably dying made him angrier and angrier the more he thought about it. "Why the fuck couldn't he wait until I'm gone?" Richie wondered.

He sipped his coffee and tried to think of how to find out what happened last night. "Mm, Babe? We didn't -- have- we didn't – I mean, "...

Babe smiled at him and said "No. Richie I would hope you would remember it if we did. You just passed out."

"Oh, thank God," Richie said, and Babe looked surprised.

"Thank God? Richie, that doesn't exactly make a woman feel wanted."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way, really. I just-well, I was drunk last night."

"I know. I wouldn't have wanted that either," She said.

Richie got up and said "I've got to get to the hospital. Thanks so much for driving me home last night."

"How will you get to the hospital? You need to get your car."

"Oh, damn. You're right, and I didn't think of that. I can't go get it because then I'll be late. "

"I'll drive you, and if you want I can pick you up later."

Richie felt truly guilty at that point and said :"Thanks. I would like a ride, but you can just drop me off. I'll pick up my car later. I'll take a cab to Annie's and get it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Richie said firmly. "I will feel much better once I get my transfusion."

They left the house together. Ryan was just waking up when he saw them getting in Babe's car.

He followed them, determined to find out what was really going on.

--

Richie went into the waiting area feeling weak and tired and hung over. He hated this feeling, and he hated this place. He also hated being alone here while waiting for this depressing and tedious treatment. The last few times he had it done Ryan had come with him and kept him occupied by making jokes and sexual innuendos whenever the staff walked out of the room.

He didn't relish the thought of sitting through this alone. It had been awhile, but he still remembered how hard that was.

The nurse called him and he went in for the transfusion.

When he came out Ryan was waiting for him. Richie glared and sighed at the same time. He was angry but not in the mood for a fight. He was tired.

Ryan was looking for a fight, however, even as his mind registered that Richie didn't look well. Both emotions came out at the same time. "How did the treatment go? You look terrible. Are you ok? What the fuck happened with Babe last night"?

Richie shook his head and went to sit down. "I don't want to get into this with you now. I'm tired, I'm not feeling well and the last thing I need is to fight."

"Well, what do you expect when I saw you and Babe coming out of your house together this morning? She spent the night didn't she?"

"Wait, what? What the fuck are you talking about? You were spying on me? Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Richie grew incensed at the thought at the same time a part of him was pleased that Ryan would go to such lengths.

"You have got a lot of fucking nerve after what I heard last night about you and Annie. I ask you again, who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I thought," said Ryan in a very low voice. "I thought that I was your partner".

"Partner? Where the fuck would you get that idea? Nobody knows about us. We are not open about our "relationship"; you are planning on HAVING ANOTHER BABY WITH YOUR WIFE! Apparently you don't plan on leaving her for me or anyone else. So how can you be my partner?""Richie didn't realize that he was trembling as he said this, and that he was shaking.

Ryan moved in to put his arms around him and Richie shoved him away.

"What are you doing ??"

"I'm trying to calm you down"…

"I don't need to be fucking calmed down. I need you to leave me alone. I'm sick of this. I don't plan on spending whatever time is left for me pining away over you. So go back home to my sister and make a whole bunch of babies that look like you two, and leave me the fuck alone."

Richie's outburst had the ironic outcome of making Ryan calmer, and he pulled Richie to him again. After resisting for a few moments Richie just seemed to give up and collapsed against Ryan's chest. Ryan could hear him sobbing quietly. He suddenly got frightened at the thought that Richie might be getting sicker and that was what the doctor told him when he went to get the transfusion.

"Richie-you aren't –" Ryan couldn't bring himself to say what he was thinking, but Richie seemed to know what was on Ryan's mind.

"No, I'm not getting worse if that's what you were going to ask. Not that I'd tell you anyway. We are nothing to each other now, do you understand?" Richie was yelling again at this point, but Ryan refused to let go of him and let him get up and walk away.

"Get the fuck off me, Ryan? Who do you think you are, really? I have no future with anyone, really. But even if I did have a future it wouldn't be with you!"

"So, Richie, who would it be with?" Ryan wondered in a quiet voice. "Babe?"

"Why do you care who I belong with? It's not you, so why do you care?"

"Maybe I care because it is me!"Ryan yelled

"It is not you!" Richie exclaimed in anger.

"Maybe I want it to be me!" Ryan's voice kept rising with frustration." Maybe I am tired of this charade. You and Babe, me and Annie. I don't want a baby with Annie! It was her idea, and it wasn't done because of any false hope I gave her. It's all in her mind!! I don't even understand why she would even want to have another child. We're like strangers to each other..," Ryan's voice got softer and sounded puzzled.

He wondered how things had gotten so out of hand.

As if reading his mind Richie said "You're wondering how things got so out of control. Well don't worry about it. They'll go back to being normal once you and Annie are concentrating on one another and the two of you are planning for the next happy event. And as for me, hey-at least I'll be an uncle. For as long as I have left, anyway." Richie took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

"You're a lucky man, Ryan. You belong to someone, and you have people who belong to you."

"Richie- would you stop it, and please stop walking away from me?" He grabbed Richie as he tried to get up and walk away.

"Don't you know by now what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Ryan, I haven't a fucking clue. But if you do, won't you tell me? Who do I belong to? "

In answer Ryan pushed Richie back down to the sofa and hugged him

"Me," he breathed softly into Richie's ear.

"You don't belong to Babe any more than I belong to Annie," Ryan nuzzled Richie's ear as he continued to breathe gently into it.



"You belong to me." Ryan pulled back and placed a finger tenderly on Richie's lips. "No please, don't let's talk about it anymore."

"You belong to me," he repeated, looking into Richie's eyes until he saw that Richie believed him.

Ryan pulled Richie close again and kissed him.

"Tell me again, I want to really believe it." Richie said, but he was smiling and the pain in his eyes was gone.

"You belong to me.-And I belong to you." Ryan whispered into Richie's ear again, and he was happy to feel the smile on his face.

There was time to talk to and deal with Annie-later.

For now he just wanted to be with the man his heart belonged to.


	11. Chapter 11Remember Nothing

Summary: Ryan is shot and develops amnesia, causing him to forget Richie as well as Annie. He believes it's four years previous and he's in love with Kendall. Takes place in early 2008.

A/N: I know it's been a very long time since I updated this! I kind of lost my muse after what they did with Richie's character and all the other convoluted story lines that emerged from that(not to mention the end of the show). Hopefully the muses are back! Thanks to all who've read and reviewed so far. :)

_Another night of pretending._

Ryan repeated this sentence over and over as he got ready to go to Greenlee's dinner party.

Another night of pretending there was nothing wrong with his and Annie's marriage, another night of having to sit across from Richie and Babe, another night of having to endure watching her come onto Richie.

Another night of pretending the person he really wanted was his wife when it wasn't.

It was her brother

Ryan didn't know how much longer he could keep up this pretense. Richie was not doing as well as they had hoped with the clinical trials and the doctor said he most likely would need a bone marrow transplant.

The situation was getting more and more desperate, and Richie needed him for support.

Instead of being with him, however, Ryan was stuck playing the dutiful husband to Annie.

He'd been worried about Annie's reaction and even more worried she'd do something like try and take Emma away if Ryan asked for a divorce.

Especially if she knew about him and Richie.

Richie sighed inwardly as Babe chattered away about how nice it was that Greenlee invited them to her dinner party and how happy she was that things were going so well at Fusion and she and Greenlee and Kendall were getting along and…

"What do you think of that idea, Richie?"

Richie realized with a start that Babe had asked him a question. Damn, he shouldn't have zoned out like that.

It was getting harder and harder to continue this charade and Richie was getting tired of it.

He was tired of pretending he really, really, really liked Babe.

He knew he'd have to stop this very soon, because although he and Babe were not exclusively dating Richie knew she was starting to like him too much, and he was getting strong signals from her that she wanted more from him.

One of the things he knew she wanted was sex, but Richie couldn't bring himself to have sex with her when he was in love with Ryan.

Even though Ryan was still with Annie.

How did things get so complicated?

Richie felt another headache coming on as he contemplated the mess his life was and then realized Babe was still waiting for an answer to her question.

"I'm sorry Babe; I have a headache and am having trouble concentrating. What did you say?"

"Oh Richie, I'm sorry! Here I am chatting away and not even realizing you might not be feeling well!" Babe looked so concerned Richie wanted to smack himself.

"It's ok, really Babe. Now what did you ask me?"

"Oh- it seems silly now. I was just wondering what you thought of going to the charity costume ball that Fusion is giving for Valentine's Day. I understand if you don't feel up to it, though."

"A –ball? " Richie sighed inwardly. A Valentine's Day ball given by Fusion would mean Ryan would have to be there for Annie. Richie might as well go. It would be the only way he'd get to spend time with Ryan that night.

"Sure, Babe. Why not?"

Babe smiled happily and kissed Richie on the cheek.

_How much simpler things would be if that was enough for him, Richie thought._

_It was just his luck that the lips he wanted to be touching him were the ones that belonged to his sister's husband._

Ryan was bringing drinks over to the coffee table when Richie walked in.

They smiled at each other and Ryan felt that same heat he did every time Richie walked into a room.

God, he wished he could just divorce Annie and be done with it.

But she was getting more and more possessive, which puzzled Ryan because when they _were_ alone she seemed to try and put as much distance between the two of them as she could.

Ryan was becoming convinced the real reason Annie was holding onto him was because she didn't want to have another "failure" of a marriage. She'd told him that before, and Ryan believed her.

"That was a wonderful dinner, Greenlee!" Babe exclaimed. "I didn't even know you could cook!"

"I am a woman of many talents," Greenlee grinned at Aiden as she said that, and he winked at her.

"She is," Aiden concurred.

Everyone gathered around the sofa, settling in with their after dinner drinks and coffee.

The conversation was flowing and Ryan was just starting to relax when he saw a red light flash on Kendall's forehead.

Instinctively, he jumped in front of her just as a shot rang out and the world went dark.

When Ryan woke up he was surrounded by four very anxious looking people.

He smiled warmly at Kendall and nodded at Greenlee.

He looked curiously at the other two, not knowing who they were.

Everyone looked very worried and Ryan realized he was in a hospital bed.

"Ryan, thank God! We were so worried about you!" The brunette he didn't recognize came over to him and kissed him on the lips.

The man who was standing next to her grimaced slightly but said nothing.

"I'm sorry-who are you?" Ryan asked. "What happened to me?"

The brunette looked shocked and the man looked stunned.

Kendall and Greenlee gasped.

"You don't remember?" Kendall asked, and she sounded very scared.

"You don't know who I am?" the brunette asked, and she sounded frightened as well.

"Ryan, you were shot!" Greenlee exclaimed. "Someone tried to shoot Kendall and you threw yourself in front of her! "

"Really?" Ryan couldn't remember any of it. He looked at Kendall worriedly. "Who was trying to shoot you? And why?"

"We're not sure," Kendall said. "But Zach is looking into it and I'm sure he'll find out something soon."

"Zach? Who is he?"

"Who is he? He's my husband!"

"Stop joking, Kendall," Ryan said, although he wasn't smiling. "You're engaged to me. We're supposed to be married this May!"

"Ryan- you're married to Annie!" Greenlee chimed in, gesturing to the brunette. "What year do you think this is?"

"It's 2004," Ryan looked around at the confused faces around him. "Isn't it?"

"Ryan, it's January, 2008," the man spoke, looking like he was trying very hard not to panic.

Ryan didn't remember ever meeting this man, but he had the feeling he knew him.

He just couldn't figure out how.

"Who are you?" Ryan asked.

The man shut his eyes and for a moment Ryan thought the guy was going to be sick.

"I'm Richie. Annie's brother," the man said quietly. "We work together. And-we're friends."

"Work together? What? Kendall!" Ryan started to feel panicky. "What the hell is going on?"

Kendall rushed to his side. "Ryan, just calm down. I'm sure this is a temporary thing. It seems like you have amnesia. I'll get the doctor. She'll be able to tell us more about it."

"Yes, I'm sure it's something that happens often with head wounds," Greenlee added.

"This is insane!" the woman named Annie shouted. "You don't remember me-or our daughter?"

"I have a daughter?" Ryan's voice got louder and more agitated as he tried to get out of the bed.

"Easy, Ryan," the man said in a soothing voice. He touched Ryan's arm and something about it was comforting and somehow familiar.

"Let me get the doctor," Kendall ran out to get the doctor, hoping that she could explain to all of them what was going on.

"Mr. Lavery, hello. I'm Doctor Sanders. How are you feeling?" The doctor asked in a calm voice, obviously hoping she'd be able to calm Ryan down.

"I-can't remember anything! What happened to me? Why am I like this? Is it permanent?"

"Mr. Lavery, I can assure you that amnesia is common after a head trauma such as the one you experienced. Most people recover their memory fully within a very short time."

"Most people? So not all? And what is a very short time? Doctor! I have a daughter I can't remember-and –a wife!" He looked at Annie but still couldn't place her. He looked at Kendall and felt a sense of relief, and love.

He didn't care how much time had gone by. He couldn't believe he and Kendall weren't still in love with each other.

"Well, Mr. Lavery most people experience a full recovery of their memories. A very small percentage don't remember everything, but they do remember most of their past. But given the part of the brain that was wounded I'd say you should have complete recall. How long it takes depends on the healing process, but it typically doesn't take more than a week or so."

"What if it doesn't, doctor?" Richie asked, and again Ryan had the sense Richie was trying not to panic.

_He must love his sister very much,_ Ryan thought.

"Let's keep an optimistic attitude Mr.-?" The doctor looked questioningly at Richie.

"Novak. Richie Novak. I'm Mrs. Lavery's brother."

"Mr. Novak. Let's keep an optimistic attitude. Everything should be fine." She paused and looked at the anxious group gathered around Ryan. "You should leave now and let Mr. Lavery get some rest."

Everyone reluctantly prepared to leave.

Ryan grabbed onto Kendall's hand as she tried to leave.

"Come back soon, please?" he asked.

Kendall nodded, obviously uncomfortable with Ryan's affection.

Annie shook her head in anger and stormed out.

Richie said goodnight and Ryan closed his eyes.

When he opened them a moment later Richie was still watching him, a forlorn expression on his face.

Then he was gone.

"Damn it! How the fuck can he do this to me!" Annie said through angry tears as they made their way down to the parking lot.

"Annie, for God's sake! The man was shot, cut him some slack!" Richie yelled. "It's not like he's deliberately forgotten you!" Richie had repeated that over and over in the elevator.

Ryan had NOT deliberately forgotten him.

For some reason he just woke up remembering a time when he loved someone else.

"Oh, I think he's faking!" Annie threw her purse down on the hood of the car.

Kendall and Greenlee protested and Richie just shook his head.

Trust Annie to look for the most irrational explanation.

"How could you say that?" Kendall asked."You heard what the doctor said! And he _was_ shot-we all saw that!"

"Yes, he was shot trying to save YOU!" Annie pointed her finger accusingly at Kendall.

"I- it's not my fault!"

"But you love the fact that he thinks he's in love with you. You must have done something to make him think you still loved him before he was shot!"

Kendall looked like she was going to cry, and Greenlee advanced on Annie as though she were going to hit her.

"Take that back you little bitch!" Greenlee screamed.

"I won't! It's true and you know it! She has to have every man in love with her!"

Greenlee threw her bag on the floor and Richie sighed.

A fight was the last thing any of them needed.

"Listen, please let's just stop it!" he implored. "Things are hard enough right now. All of our emotions are frayed and we're all still in shock, but we shouldn't be turning on each other. We should be focusing on helping Ryan, who I'm SURE is not faking his amnesia! Now both of you, back off!"

The moment seemed to break the spell and Richie heaved a sigh of relief.

He really didn't have the strength to keep Greenlee from attacking Annie right now.

He wasn't even sure he wanted to try.

Annie was acting like the selfish pain in the ass he remembered her being when they were growing up.

"Oh, let's just go home," Annie muttered as she got into the car.

Greenlee took Kendall's arm and the two of them walked back to Greenlee's car.

Nobody said goodbye.

After making sure that Annie had gotten home and calmed down (and then talking to Emma because Annie was "too upset" to do so) Richie got into his car and drove back toward the hospital.

He had no idea what he was going to do if Ryan happened to be up when he visited.

He guessed he'd just say he wanted to make sure he was ok so he could put Annie's mind at ease.

His emotions were in a whirl and he felt like doing some banging and throwing of things himself.

He was thrilled that Ryan had what was apparently an easy injury to heal from, of course.

But what if he never did remember Richie?

What if he never remembered their relationship and their plans?

Richie knew he wasn't doing well with the drugs.

In a short time he was going to have to get a blood marrow donor or die.

He didn't want to go through either of those things without Ryan.

Now it seemed like he might have to.

He thought back to Annie's outburst and wondered.

Richie knew that Ryan hadn't deliberately wanted to fall in love with Kendall, or to remember a time when they were still together.

But did it have some deeper meaning that he knew nothing about?

What if, deep down Ryan HAD never gotten over Kendall and wanted to be stuck in that time again?

He might never remember-he might not WANT to remember.

Ryan might remember nothing about his and Richie's relationship.

Nothing.

Richie sat down in the chair near Ryan's bed, watching him sleep and monitoring him for any discomfort.

He seemed relaxed.

Richie wondered if he was having dreams of Kendall and sighed.

"What are you dreaming about, Ryan? Do you really remember nothing? Do you even want to remember?"

He lightly caressed Ryan's face with his hand.

"I love you. I hope you remember that," he said and left the room as quietly as he'd come.

Ryan opened his eyes.

He could have sworn he felt someone touch his face and say "I love you", but he couldn't place who it was.

It sounded like a man's voice, though.

It wasn't Jonathan's voice-so who was it?

Why was there someone here saying "I love you" and saying he hoped Ryan remembered that?

It was probably just a dream, Ryan mused.

The touch felt real, though, and warm.

And familiar.

TBC


End file.
